I’d Rather Not Use A Magic Restroom [Friday Thoughts W/ TeeCoZee]
Good Moleman. Starland Vocal Band?!? They’re the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked! It’s Friday, April 29th, 2022. The weather in Elmont is 57° & Pantone 17-3932 and somewhere, somebody is changing the trash bag. But should they? The bag is, after all, only half full. What would the neighbors think? On one end, it appears to be wasteful to throw out a half-full bag. That’s a lot of plastic that could potentially be containing things. But on the other end, the bag is quite light. This would make things easier on the garbage men and poachers of the neighborhood. The bag is at less risk of breaking which limits the possibility of trash on the sidewalk. But still, it seems like a waste. Little do they know, the neighbors don’t care about how full the bags are, as they’re in trash cans. And me? I just throw takeout bags down the chute. Taking out the trash is for suckers. I also have some things on my mind.
– Did you hear? Last weeks Thoughts went viral! You probably didn’t hear that because there’s no way of you hearing that. But it’s true. On Sunday, I got a notification from WordPress stating that my stats are through the roof. Usually, this means something that Scott wrote made it’s rounds on Reddit again, but this wasn’t the case. Yes indeedy, somehow, the Thoughts got a whopping 936 hits?!? Off the bat, I feel bad that 936 poor souls actually saw the damn thing.
But then I looked further and realized that the post only got 11 unique visitors. There’s many ways that this could have happened, all explainable. But I am sincerely hoping that the reader didn’t die and and slam down the F5 key. That would be fucking awful. Not only because a person died, but also, they spent their last living moments reading complaints about bus advertisements. That is absolutely the shittiest way to go out. I’m really hoping that a cat jumped onto the F5 key or somebody kept refreshing it, waiting for it to become funny.
Either way, I appreciate the hits! (I think?)
– I took 5 days off from writing. I didn’t do this because I was too busy to write (although truthfully, I was). I didn’t do this because I wanted people to miss my writing (although distance makes the heart grow fonder). I did it because I knew that when I eventually started writing again, I would need something to write about. So I was successfully able to waste a whole paragraph about me not writing. Works every time.
– We got a new bathroom trailer at work and something about it really bothers me. I’m able to look past the fact that I’m using a glorified port-o-potty. I’m also able to forgive the creepy generic hotel “clean, but don’t look closely” motif. What bothers me is that I’m looking at the trailer and all I see coming out of it are wires. Where in the hell is the peepee and poopoo even going?!? And why doesn’t it smell?!? What kind of witchcraft is this?!? Also, there’s a door behind it with a sign that appears to have a fork and spoon. Is somebody coming into the back and eating poop?!? Is that why it doesn’t smell?!? I need answers!
But upon closer inspection, the sign on the back is a wrench and screwdriver. So that must be where tools go to poop. THAT STILL DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE!
– Try this trick over the weekend: Poop in a magic trailer. Apparently, it’ll just disappear!
Have a magical weekend, everybody!