I’d Rather Go To Subaru Driving School [Friday Thought W/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. That’s a fine looking BBQ. That’s exactly what I’d be saying if it wasn’t 3 inches too short. It’s Friday, April 1, 2022. The weather in Jamaica is 56° & Pantone 79B3EE and somewhere, somebody is choosing red. It’s a bold choice and one that they had never made before. But damnit, they’re sticking to it! They wonder what other possibilities in life this unlocks. How many other red things have they been missing out on? Is there a secret society of people that choose red objects? Will it taste like cherry? Strawberry? Blood? Little do they know, it actually makes no difference. And me? I always go for green M&Ms. They’re just made better. I also have a thing on my mind.

– As I mentioned too many times before, I take my lunches in a giant parking lot. There’s always a lot of things going on here but yet, nothing really interesting. Planes fly close overhead, assholes whip donuts, there’s a trash can just sitting in the middle of nowhere, assorted construction vehicles and for some reason, a van full of flowers. The main activity today is a Semi-Truck driving class that has yet to start. While the activity itself doesn’t bother or interest me, the name of the school printed on the truck does:

First off, Ferrari Driving School.com is not a web address. Try typing that into your Computer machine and you won’t go directly to the site. Advertising a broken link is not a good way to give your customers a first impression. If they can’t advertise a simple website properly, how can I trust them to make me trustworthy behind the wheel of a large automobile?

But more importantly, the name of the school is horrendously misleading. If I was a kid learning how to drive, I would gravitate towards a school called Ferrari. I would expect to be…driving Ferraris. Because duh. It’s in the name. But instead, you’re driving an 18 wheeler. It couldn’t be any farther from expectations. That’s like naming your restaurant, “Fillet Mignon’s” and selling nothing but Sloppy Joes.

And then you also have to think, the type of person that would try out a driving school called Ferrari is going to put the pedal to the metal. In a giant truck, near my [what once was] safely parked car. I already have to worry about getting my tires slashed, now I have to worry about rookie drivers going zoom zoom in a Mack Truck?!? This whole parking lot is a disaster waiting to happen.

Try this trick over the weekend: open a shoe store called “Sneaker Paradise”. Enjoy the expression on everyone’s face when they realize that you only sell hats.

Have a falsely advertised weekend, everyone!

– TeeCoZee

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