Day 348: 10 Matches That I’m Looking Forward To This Weekend [Wrasslin’ For Lunch]

September is finally upon us and it’s the month that I’m fully prepared to give up my soul to pro wrestling. Mid-way through, I’m going to end up going to 3 shows in 10 days: 2 AEW shows and a GCW show that excites and frightens the living shit out of me. I’m going to need a voice box transplant. I might even need a new throat. I don’t even know what I’m going to need! On top of that, the G1 Climax starts on the 18th so I finally have a reason to plug my Chromecast back in and spend some Yen. But what I’m most excited for at the moment is this weekend, because I like instant gratification. AEW is holding their All Out PPV outside of Chicago, while GCW, Black Label Pro and Freelance decided to park their collective asses in the area all weekend. In total, there will be 7 shows in 3 days [and if you add the live episode of Rampage, that makes 8] and I’m going to try my best to watch all of them. Because I am completely and utterly insane. I was planning on doing a top 5, but it was too difficult. So fuck it, here’s the 10 matches that I’m looking forward to the most:

10) Jake Atlas vs Effy [GCW Effy’s Big Gay Brunch]

The last time Jake Atlas stood in a ring was back in July, on an episode of 205 Live, hours after he was released from the WWE [I don’t understand why they still call it 205 Live when it’s obviously taped]. Since the mass firings over the summer, only a few return matches have trickled in. I, for one, am excited to see him try to make a name for himself outside of NXT, as I see a lot of potential in the kid. And what better place to start his new career than at the Big Gay Brunch. Because duh. I’m also just excited to see what this “Weapon of Sass Destruction” is all about. This weekend is going to be half entertainment and half learning experience, because I’m nosediving into the scene and I have no fucking clue who most of these guys are.

9) AEW World Heavyweight Championship – Christian Cage vs Kenny Omega [AEW All Out]

I’m still bitter that it’s not Hangman Adam Page getting this title shot, but I understand that life happens and there are many things in life bigger than wrestling. Despite the fact that we already know how this match is going to end, we also already know that those two are gonna tear the house down regardless. It may not be the main event we wanted, but they’re going to put on the match that we deserve.

8) War Games Match – Team MDK vs 44OH [GCW The Art of War Games]

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pumped to see GCW’s take on the War Games match. Mainly, so I can wash the taste of Blood and Guts out of my mouth. However, since it’s GCW, I will be washing the taste of Blood and Guts with actual blood and guts. Oof.

7) Lee Moriarty vs Laredo Kid [BLP Ground Control To Filthy Tom]

I genuinely know nothing about these two guys. I do, however, read nothing but hype and other positive mouth frothing about these two guys. I even follow Lee on Twitter for some reason. Therefore, I am extremely hyped to see what all the hype is about.

6) GCW World Universal Championship: Matt Cardona’s Open Challenge

I don’t care who the mystery opponent is going to be. I don’t even care about how the match goes. All I care about is the beyond nuclear heat that Cardona is going to get. For those unaware, Matt Cardona is not a “GCW Guy”. He’s chiseled, he’s vascular, he has a super hot girlfriend, he’s just Hollywood As Fuck. He’s a Vince guy through and through and this gets way under the fan’s collective skin. So he started leaning into it. When he won the World Title from Nick Gage, it was the biggest heat I had seen since Hulk Hogan’s heel turn [which I watched for the first time a week before [gotcha]]. But now, it appears that he’s gone too far.

He put a goddamn spinner on the belt. I repeat: the GCW title belt HAS A SPINNER ON IT. He renamed it the Universal Championship. He gave it a baby blue motif. He done massacred it. This is some next level heel shit. I could go as far to say that I’ve never seen anybody go so far to piss off the fans. He’s going to get spat on, he’s going to get stuff thrown at him, he might even get murdered. It’s just plain genius. And I’m a little ashamed to admit that he’s the reason why I started having interest in GCW in the first place. But I guess that’s also part of his plan.

5) CM Punk vs Darby Allin [AEW All Out]

I wouldn’t be a wrestling fan if this match wasn’t on the list. The is obviously the one that everyone wants to see. And sure, I want to see it too. But I’m also dreading it. This is the point of no return. This is where the magic ends. I’ve been living in the CM Punk Pop Bubble. Once this match happens, the excitement will be over, the hype will be gone. After that, he’s going to be a 42 year old guy lost in the mud of the AEW roster. He’s probably going to turn heel. He’ll probably feud with Hangman after he wins the title, because straight-edge vs alcoholic is some easy booking. My point is that we’ve already seen him at his peak. We’re excited that he’s returned to wrestling, but the memories of August 20th are going to slowly fade. And I don’t want that to fade. I’d rather stay in the bubble a little longer.

4) 8 Man Tag – WARHORSE, Dan The Dad, Effy and Mystery Partner vs Danhausen, Danhausen, Danhausen and Danhausen [BLP Ground Control To Filthy Tom]

I love that Danhausen. But what’s more nice and more evil than Danhausen? Two Danhausens. But what’s more nice and more evil than two Danhausens? Three Danhausens. But what’s more nice and more evil than three Danhausens? Four Danhausens. That’s just how math works. I’m also excited to see who the mystery partner is going to be. I wonder if it’ll be Danhausen.

3) 4 Way Lucha Tag Match – Juventud Guerrera and Super Crazy vs Gringo Loco and Arez vs Laredo Kid and ASF vs Dragon Bane and El Hijo Cana Lupus [GCW & BLP 3 Cups Stuffed]

Remember that Simpsons episode where the mafia fought the Yakuza? And there was the one Yakuza guy that just stood there and did something really cool off-screen? This match is going to be that. It’s going to be pure unbridled insanity that will only be hindered by the fact that they don’t have 50 cameras and it’ll probably go on at 2 in the morning. Also, Juventud and Super Crazy tagging up? GET THE FUCK IN!

2) PBR’s 2 Ring Ladder Scramble Fuckfest – Jake Lander vs Ninja Mack vs Yoya vs ASF vs Nick Wayne vs Dante Leon vs Gringo Loco vs Jordan Oliver vs Shane Mercer [GCW The Art of War Games]

I don’t know who any of these guys are. I don’t know what the hell this match is or why it’s sponsored by PBR. How can a ladder match have two rings?!? What are they trying to grab?!? Is the thing between the two rings?!? What the fuck is a scramble?!? What the fuck is a fuckfest?!? Oh right, I know that a scramble is a match where a title can change hands over and over until the end of the time limit, but how does that work in a ladder match format?!? Alls that I know is that this looks completely and utterly ridiculous and I want all of it!

1) Steel Cage Match For The AEW Tag Team Championship – The Lucha Bros vs The Young Bucks [AEW All Out]

If you love flippy shit, and you bet your ass that I do, this is going to be the match of the weekend. These four guys are constantly working their asses off trying to do stuff that we’ve never seen before. And they’re going to do it in a Steel Fucking Cage. Have you ever seen a Canadian Destroyer from 25 feet in the air? Well, you’re about to! These guys are going to be all sorts of reckless for the sake of our sports entertainment. This could also be where we finally see new tag team champions. It’s been a long time coming, but if there’s anyone more deserving of dethroning The Young Bucks, it’s Fenix and Penta. Even if it doesn’t happen, I know for a fact that I won’t be disappointed.

And I know that I left some matches off the list. That’s how good this weekend is going to be. And the best part is that not a single dime is going to go into Vince McMahon’s pocket. So if you were ever looking for a time to break away from the WWE and branch out into something completely different, this is the weekend to do it. Or at least, I think it is. I still know nothing about wrestling. I just know that it’s the best.

– TeeCoZee