Day 326: I’m Going To Write About Corn Dogs For 30 Minutes

I’m going to write about corn dogs tonight. This is because I couldn’t think of anything to write about today and Rachel suggested that I write about corn dogs. But every time I get interrupted, I’m going to change the subject mid-thought to what interrupted me and then segue back to corn dogs. I’ll keep going until I have to leave work, which is a half hour from now. So a full 30 minutes to write about corn dogs. Great. There’s a woman and her dog (living dog, not corn), but it looks like they have their shit together. They probably won’t interrupt me. I am totally free to write about corn dogs. And that is what I aim to do. But she might need help with the pin pad. Nope. She doesn’t need help with the pin pad. Good, then. More time for me to talk about corn dogs. But oh wait, here comes a woman and a kid. The kid is sopping wet. I should have mentioned that it’s raining outside. There’s been absolutely nothing going on in the store, so I figured today would be a good time as any to write about corn dogs uninterrupted. Yes. Corn dogs. I have so many things to say about corn dogs. And I’m not going to stop typing about them until somebody interrupts me. Could be the wet kid, or the curly haired gentleman that just walked in. Could be a text—

A lady came in to get her keys, but she had no shoes o—

The curly haired guy was trying to buy tortillas that had no label. They weren’t corn tortillas though, they were flour, so they literally have nothing to do with corn dogs—

The lady told someone on the phone to dial 911, but there wasn’t an emerg—

The smelly guy came in to buy his nightly White Claws and he always wants me to ring him up. Which is no problem, he’s a good guy, it just stopped me from writing about corn dogs. And he’s not “smelly” smelly, he just wears a ridiculous amount of specific cologne that lingers for a long time. He’s what I always imagine Pepe Le Pew to smell like, because for some reason, I never imagined him to smell like a skunk. He was too suave to smell like skunk. Wait, is Pepe Le Pew cancelled? I mean, he IS kinda—

I had to move the benches inside with Nil. They were especially heavy because they were water-logged. Also, my arms are kind of jelly after the panic attack. It was a bonafide Big One today. Like one you would see in movies or TV. Not at all fun, but I’m doing better, albeit still a little hazy. But of course, this has nothing to do with—

I had to close down the registers and then I realized that in a fit of rage and panic, I had messed up a home delivery transaction. It took me a few seconds to fix it, but because I was trying to think about corn dogs, I messed it up again, which took even longer to fix. So of the 30 minutes I gave myself, I spent 10 of it trying to fix my errors. This is why I don’t proofread anything. Takes up too much time. And now I only have 45 seconds left to write about corn dogs. So I might as well start:

I don’t care for corn dogs. But sometimes, they’re okay. It took me a while to figure out that the breading was co—

Ope, it’s 9:00. I hope you enjoyed my 30 minutes of corn dog analysis.

– TeeCoZee