Career of Peter Horak, 1976-1999

Peter Horak’s career, 23, died eleven years ago on Friday, July 30th, 1999 in cinemas around the country.
It was born in 1976 to Peter Horak, Hollywood stunt coordinator of such action classics as Problem Child and Forget Paris. Preceding the death of Peter Horak’s career were Peter Horak’s judgment and Peter Horak’s dignity.

Peter Horak’s career enjoyed a good many years of modest success in the Hollywood stunt industry, brushing shoulders with stars of the classic era, including Leslie Nielsen, Lou Ferrigno, and Billy Crystal (twice). Horak has commended his career for taking the higher road and contributing its talents in stunt coordinating to films so obviously in desperate need of massive, over-the-top choreography.

The career of Peter Horak reached its pinnacle with its credit on 1988’s Above The Law, and basked in the glory of its success for a number of years. A bit headstrong after a series of conservative career moves, the career made a fatal error that led to its untimely demise in the form of a 1998 film, Die Hard Dracula.

The film, which was written, directed, produced, and starred in by Peter Horak’s career’s owner, Peter Horak, is one of the strangest, foulest, most rancid pieces of cinematic garbage the world hath ever known. Why a career such as Peter Horak’s would choose to diverge from the norm so violently and with such reckless abandon is a point of debate among historians, but one thing is most certain: The career of Peter Horak contracted a deadly disease following the release of Die Hard Dracula, one from which it would tragically never recover.

Sick and delirious, Peter Horak’s career succumbed quietly shortly after the release of its final endeavor, 1999’s Mystery Men. Funeral services were held publicly on 2136 screens in the United States, as a legendary career took its final bow.

Memorial contributions may be made to Wikipedia here.
Originally posted 11/17/10

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