Madness from the Breakfast Table

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Stress-disorders and Paranoia in Every Box!   If breakfast is indeed the most important meal of the day, then looking at what the Millennial generation ate before heading off to elementary school may… Continue reading

Mickey Forkenstein: Sex, Drugs, and Elevators

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“Step into an elevator in 1995, and what do you hear? You don’t hear crying babies, or business people talking. You don’t hear those fags Yanni or Kenny G. No sir. All you… Continue reading

Questions To Ask Yourself While Playing Contra

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– If painkillers were never invented, would the whole world huff paint? – Will the future of sports entail running around hunting each other in bulletproof jumpsuits? – Will it be the new… Continue reading

BFD Test

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A Joey Z contribution to BFD Beta. What will things look like in the future? How many heads does a serpent have? Think about it…

It’s Made of People!? Looking into Cannibalism in the Frozen Treats Industry

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It started several weeks ago, when Baskin Robbins unveiled its new summertime treat: Monkey Brain Sherbet. Most food critics and the population in general thought the gimmick was in poor taste, but competing… Continue reading

El Cozo’s Top 5 Misconceptions Made Up By Advertisers

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In a new groundbreaking category on Baseball For Dinner, I will be making “Top 5” lists. Categories will be chosen at random from “Top 5 Fast Food Slogans” to “Top 5 Movies In… Continue reading

Local Man Successfully Gets Laid After Eating Fifth-Third Burger

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Comstock Park, MI Consuming 5,000 calories in one sitting is an extremely daunting task. Appearing to be physically attractive afterward is a whole other ball game. Thursday night, the baseball game between the… Continue reading

After 23 Years, Captain Midnight Strikes Again; Brings Fear Into Satellite TV Viewers

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Ocala, FL–

The television world was shook like a baby today as the infamous satellite pirate, Captain Midnight, wreaked terror on an MTV broadcast. Known previously as being an activist for lower premium channel prices, Captain Midnight’s new message is one of principle.

Change in Season; Change in Performance

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This being the first post in BFD: Beta!’s “On This Day In Jazz History” series, I’d like to open with a quote: “If the object in question is in working order, then one… Continue reading

If Baseball Is For Dinner, Then Football Better Be For Supper. (And I’ll take the supper)

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In the industry, this is what we call a rant. It could be a rave, but ecstasy isn’t my bag. Go figure. The standard procedure is that from now on, I’m going to… Continue reading