Author Archive

Local Man Successfully Gets Laid After Eating Fifth-Third Burger

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Comstock Park, MI Consuming 5,000 calories in one sitting is an extremely daunting task. Appearing to be physically attractive afterward is a whole other ball game. Thursday night, the baseball game between the… Continue reading

After 23 Years, Captain Midnight Strikes Again; Brings Fear Into Satellite TV Viewers

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Ocala, FL–

The television world was shook like a baby today as the infamous satellite pirate, Captain Midnight, wreaked terror on an MTV broadcast. Known previously as being an activist for lower premium channel prices, Captain Midnight’s new message is one of principle.

If Baseball Is For Dinner, Then Football Better Be For Supper. (And I’ll take the supper)

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In the industry, this is what we call a rant. It could be a rave, but ecstasy isn’t my bag. Go figure. The standard procedure is that from now on, I’m going to… Continue reading

Patrick Duffy and Suzanne Somers Spotted At Kirk Park

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It was a normal day at the beach in Grand Haven, MI. Kids tried to make sandwiches out of sand, pseudo-punks tried to dig their own pods to fill with water, and tattooed… Continue reading