352 Words About Some Dudes I Saw On My Commute

This asshole Subaru. It’s too early for this shit. Coming at me from behind at full speed like he has somewhere to be. This kind of behavior is acceptable at night, but in the light of day it’s forbidden. “Don’t swerve left, you’ll only find pain.” Welp, he swerved left. Now he’s super stuck. He honks, revs his engine, cries like a little bitch until I lower my pace so he can pass me. But it comes with a toll: he gets a flipped bird, courtesy of me. “That’ll show him”. Actually, it did show him. He immediately started driving like a polite citizen as soon as he saw my vulgar gesture.


Oh wow, lookit this Chevy Traverse right here. This dude has a Punisher skull with the Yankees logo on the forehead in his back window. It’s so cool! He bought it custom. His head: bald. His goatee: perfectly manicured. Nay, MANicured. He goes to one Yankee game every year and treats it like it’s the event of the century. For weeks leading up and weeks after, his coworkers suffer through him talking about it. Always saying the same thing, usually wrong, never getting invited but showing up anyway. He backs the blue, triggers the libs and whenever he sees a Mets fan, he yells out “27 rings”, usually from the comfort of his spacious and economic Chevy traverse.


And of course, there was a BMW. He decided to pass me at a 4-way stop. Almost rammed into him in principle alone, but I was already late for work. He then proceeded to do the same thing to cut to the front of a stop light. Wherever this dude needs to be, he’s gonna get there 90 seconds faster, that’s for damn sure.


I get to the lot and who do I see driving 10 MPH? The same Subaru. Somehow, we both needed to go to the same place. He was likely shook, assuming that I had followed him all this way to give him a piece of my mind. I turned off into a parking spot and he sped away.

– TeeCoZee