Because I Overslept [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]
I woke up to my alarm this morning and then fell back to sleep. When I woke back up, I panicked, looked at my phone and saw that it was only 6:11. My alarm actually didn’t go off, I still had another hour to sleep. It was all part of some terrible dream. Relieved, I fell fast asleep. But therein lied the problem: I no longer trusted the sound of my alarm. So when I actually did need to wake up, I kept hitting the snooze. So I overslept by an hour, waking up every 10 minutes, not getting any satisfying rest and got the shittiest parking spot imaginable because of it. On top of that, the conversation I had with Rachel was awkward:
How’d you sleep?
Bitch, with who?!?
So now my wife thinks I’m cheating on her, because overslept and sleepover are interchangeable. I just can’t win today. So maybe writing some lists will make me feel better…
5) Top 5 Reasons I Haven’t Been Writing
5) 12 hour work shifts
4) I’m kind of out of ideas
3) The muffled sound of loud voices in other rooms, saying buzz words that perk my ears
2) Post-Covid Brain Fog
1) Every time I start writing something, Steve walks into the room
To be honest, I was gonna blame everything on Brain Fog, because that seems like a topical thing to complain about. But then when I was about to write this list, Steve walked into the room and then I spent an hour not writing. Fucking Steve.
4) Top 5 Horse Names Of The Day
5) Apple Picker
4) Stay Lost
2) Digital Software
1) Our Flash Drive
Naming a horse out of vanity is one thing. Naming a horse Mo _______ because he came from Uncle Mo is another thing. But who the fuck just names a horse after random objects that were probably sitting on the desk when they were filing the horse’s paperwork?!? Our Flash Drive is in its own league of dumb horse names. It will only be topped by Eggs, Milk, Lettuce, Cer— or Pick Up Bart.
3) Top 5 Pains Of The Week
5) Left foot blister
4) Slept on my elbow too hard
2) Random throat pain that won’t go away
1) Right foot blister
I don’t get it. You break in a pair of shoes. You go through the pain of doing so, might even bleed a little. And then finally, some day, they don’t hurt anymore. But then you start wearing other shoes. You ignore the broken-in shoes for months, knowing that the hard work is done. Then the time comes to wear those shoes again and…they completely shred your feet. They hurt like they’re brand new. And they’re the only shoes you have for the next two weeks. Now I don’t want to move. I don’t want to walk to my car, but I also parked so far away. Everything hurts. Everything sucks. On and on until I break in these shoes again.
2) Top 5 Matches Of The Week
5) Mance Warner vs Jon Moxley – AEW Rampage
4) Yoshi-Hashi vs El Phantasmo – NJPW G1 Climax 32 Tag 12
3) JONAH vs Jeff Cobb – NJPW G1 Climax 32 Tag 11
2) Will Ospreay vs Shingo Takagi – NJPW G1 Climax 32 Tag 12
1) Claudio Castagnoli vs Konosuke Takeshita – AEW Battle Of The Belts 3
Holy fuck, that was a good week of wrestling. There were even a couple of matches from Monday Night Raw that should’ve been on the list. MONDAY NIGHT RAW. And while most of the great action was predictably in Japan, the best match of the week was unassumingly in Grand Rapids, MI. Takeshita’s run in AEW has been a clinic in how to get over with the fans without a ridiculous personality nor winning matches. Claudio and him put on a goddamn masterpiece on pre-recorded TV. And somehow, after the match, Takeshita came out to fight again on Rampage. I had never heard the Van Abdel Arena so loud. The kid has made a name for himself.
1) Top 5 New Pictures In My Camera Roll
The Kid That Is Inconsolable After The Undisputed Elite Turned On The Young Bucks has been my spirit animal this week. He is an astute representation of how we are all feeling. It’s hot as hell, gas is expensive, we’re in a drought, the war is endless, Britney Grimer got 9 years just for weed, the world is ending and Adam Cole is an asshole. The kid is this week in a nutshell.
Have a better week everybody!