319 Words About The Wind

Some say it blows. I say it sucks. It also blows. It’s one of the few things that can do both. Others include vacuums, our breath and the Detroit Lions. Just like the Lions, it really does us no good. At no point have I stepped outside and said, “thank God it’s windy today”. I don’t own a windmill. I find wind chimes to be distracting. I’ve never taken a reading off a weather vane. I don’t even know what the real use of it is. You can kind of feel which way the wind blows, why would I need a giant pole to do it for me?

Wind ruins everything. It makes papers disorganized and skirts unwearable. It makes long haired people look like lunatics and most sports intolerable. Fires get worse and so does snow. There are so many disadvantages to wind that it clouds any chance of me thinking up of an advantage. I suppose if it was stifling hot outside, I would appreciate a cool breeze. But I also feel like a cool breeze shouldn’t be categorized as wind. Cool breeze is made for the people while wind is for fuckers.

All around me, I see the effects of wind. My car shakes violently every few minutes, jostling me to and fro. A long strand of toilet paper is doing an annoying dance across the empty parking lot. All of the cute little baby trees have to be tied down to protect it from the mean ass wind. Trailer doors are slamming open and shut. Computer chairs are meandering endlessly in a circle. And as soon as I open the door, I know I’ll be greeted with a big burst of dirt and dust.

And for what?

So some anonymous windmill, hundreds of miles away, can potentially harness the energy of it to produce electricity? Well, yeah, probably. That’s really the only benefit of wind.

– TeeCoZee