I’d Rather Not Abandon My Car On The Middle Of The Expressway [Friday Thoughts W/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. Ooh, I can’t get enough of this blood pudding. I think someone just had his first taste of bloodlust! It’s Friday, April 22nd, 2022. The weather in Howard Beach is 68° & Pantone 14-4123 and somewhere, somebody is being chased. Crap. What’d they do this time? Were they sleep walking again? Were they framed? They’re innocent, they swear. But the pursuit continues. Getting closer and closer by the second. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. The jig is up, whatever that means. Little do they know, the cop was just trying to pass them. And me? I always yield to sirens. It’s the law. I also have some things on my mind…

– Continuing my trend of complaining about vehicles I’m stuck behind, here’s two vehicles that I was stuck behind:

1) A tricked-out Volkswagen Jetta. And when I mean tricked out, it was the works. They widened the body and lowered it. The exhaust looked like the rocket launcher from Quake III Arena. And it’s engine was so loud that it rumbled my car. So that was my commute this morning. Listening to the constant roar of a Volkswagen Jetta. But really, if you’re gonna dunk a bunch of money into a car, why a Jetta?!? I guess maybe they wanted to be the only ones…

2) An MTA Bus with a terrible rear advertisement. It said something to the tune of “Get outta your car. Get into this bus”. First off, rude. You can’t tell me what to do, especially during a pandemic! But also, this is putrid advice. How do I even know where this bus is going? And even if it was going to my destination (which it assuredly wasn’t), what am I supposed to do with my car? Abandon it? In the middle of the highway? That’s really fucking unsafe. Even if I was to safely ditch my car, there’s no bus stops on the expressway. The sign provides nothing but bad advice and frankly should not exist.

– A wise woman once told me, “If you don’t mess up on air and get ripped on by talent, there’s no way you’re doing your job right”. Well, today I can say that I am officially doing my job right! That’s what’s up!

– Every week, I put off writing things down for the thoughts. For some reason I just assume that I retain everything that goes through my noodle, when in reality, it’s maybe like 3%. Whenever I think of writing the Friday Thoughts, I just say to myself, “Ah, that’s the easy day! Just write the funnies!” Well, I’m here to tell myself that it’s not that easy. On a typical Friday, I give myself 45 minutes to write and then get mad when I can’t think of anything. There should be a punchline to this whole thing, but I can’t even think of one. I’m just sitting here, sunbathing, not writing The Funnies. This is my life now. I could change it, but you know, that takes work.

– Try this trick over the weekend: write The Funnies.

Have a hilarious weekend, everybody!

– TeeCoZee