I’d Rather Not Listen To Dying Camels [Friday Thoughts W/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. Hey Clinton, paint my chicken coop! It’s Friday, April 15th, 20Twenty-Two. The weather in Jamaica is 63° & Pantone 015-0032 and somewhere, somebody is googling it. They’re gonna get to the bottom of the situation. But what if they don’t? What if their question yields no answers, only more questions? What do they do then? Little do they know, their question isn’t actually a question. It’s more of a statement, one that Google doesn’t understand. And me? I’m more of an Alta Vista guy myself. I also have some things on my mind…

– I go to a lot of Yankee games at the beginning of the season. This is because I’m starved for any kind of baseball. Also, at some point, I always end up telling myself that I’m never going to a Yankee game again. Then, every April, I break that promise. And this weeks game wasn’t that bad. I only shivered for 4 innings. I was surrounded by Blue Jay fans. And for the first time ever, I got to bare witness to the Yankees being shut out. That’s something I didn’t anticipate. Usually, there’s at least one moment when the Yankees score a run, the whole crowd turns volatile and I question every decision that I had ever made that led me to this moment. I had none of those bad vibes on Monday. And it actually kicked off a good week, mentally. That said, I still had some qualms.

* When the opposing team is on strike two, the new video on the board is insufferable. It says “two strikes” in a space overlay and to a beat, the space goes into hyperdrive. Very Star Wars, very 2005, whatever. The problem is the beat. It sounds like a dying camel and it makes my stomach curdle. I’ve never heard a more obnoxious sound over a PA.

* The seventh inning stretch was brought to me by Budweiser. That part of the game is the indication that you can no longer by beer. And it’s sponsored by…beer. Huh.

* After the game, the lone Yankee fan dumped her soda out on her seat. No goddamn reason, she just did it because she could. So next time you go to Yankee Stadium, don’t get a ticket for section 328, seat 20. It will be extremely sticky.

* There was another lady one section over that had a bicycle horn. The whole place was seemingly filled with obnoxious middle aged white women.

* Arm & Hammer sponsored a muscle cam, and some dude without muscles decided to take his shirt off.

And through all this bullshit, I still managed to have a good time. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. It’s a thing.

– I was convinced that my blinker was blinking quicker than usual, but then I realized that it was because I was listening to “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails.

– I saw that gas went below $4.00 a gallon today. That’s what’s up. As I noticed it, a guy was working the sign with the long pole, you know, to change the prices. But it was a digital sign. So what the fuck was he doing with the pole?!?

– Try this trick over the weekend: water your fake plants.

Have a falsifying weekend, everybody!

– TeeCoZee