TeeCoZee’s NL West Preview 2022

For the first time since I started watching baseball, we have new defending NL West Champions. the buzzsaw Giants took the Dodgers to the limit and ultimately won the division. And how were they repaid? They were immediately eliminated from the playoffs…by the Dodgers. However, I will always be bitter about last season. If the Dodgers didn’t spend so much energy in September in their fruitless chase, they would’ve went into the NLCS less broken and probably would’ve repeated World Series wins. But I digress. It’s a new year and the real question is: can the Giants repeat last year’s heroics? Well, you’ll have to read on to find out!

Or I can just tell you now.

No. The Giants ain’t shit.

Los Angeles Dodgers

What’s New: Freddie Fucking Freeman, Craig Kimbrel

What’s Gone: Kenley Jansen, Corey Seager, AJ Pollock, Matt Beaty

Coze’s Prediction: 98-64

The Dodgers lost a huge portion of their core and over the next few years, it will continue to shed. But fans shouldn’t fret, the ownership is doing everything in their power to replace every player with someone better! As a whole, us fans are ridiculously spoiled. We get to root for one of the best baseball teams ever assembled and yet we still throw a hissy fit and get butthurt when they fail to produce any offense. The team isn’t perfect, but they’re designed to win now and also win 5 years from now. That’s what’s up.

San Diego Padres

What’s New: Luke Voit, Nomar Mazara

What’s Gone: Tommy Pham, Fernando’s motorcycling days

Coze’s Prediction: 86-76

I was prepared to lose the division to the Padres. I was ready to admit defeat and say that they have a better team. But then Tatis got injured in a motorcycle accident, the owners refused to do anything productive at all in the offseason and here we are. It seems like the current iteration of the franchise has already peaked, which is just plain sad. I’ll still consider them bitter rivals just for funsies. And because there’s no other team in the West to fear.

San Francisco Giants

What’s New: Carlos Rodon, Carlos Martinez

What’s Gone: Buster Posey, Kris Bryant, Kevin Gausman, Donovan Solano

Coze’s Prediction: 78-84

The 2021 Giants were the definition of a flash in the pan. Nobody expected them to do anything, but they just kept winning despite themselves. They made some short-term moves to ensure the season stays its course and it worked…kind of. Despite winning the division, they still got knocked out early and now they’re forced to drop a lot of guys that helped bring them there. They went all-in and got hosed on the river. Good. Fuck em.

Colorado Rockies

What’s New: Kris Bryant

What’s Gone: Baseballs that Kris Bryant hits

Coze’s Prediction: 75-87

In one of the most confusing transactions in baseball history, the Colorado Rockies dropped their balls on the table. They signed vied-for free agent, Kris Bryant, to a very lucrative contract. In fact, it was about as lucrative as the one they gave to fellow 3rd baseman, Nolan Arenado, before they traded him for peanuts. They essentially divorced their wife, remarried their sister and wonder why the kids are upset. Read the room, you knuckleheads.

Arizona Diamondbacks

What’s New: Jordan Luplow, Mark Melancon, Zach Davies

What’s Gone: Kole Calhoun (thank god), Jon Duplantier

Coze’s Prediction: 68-94

What can I say about the Diamondbacks that hasn’t already been said? I’m not sure. I don’t read about the Diamondbacks. I guess they bolstered their pitching staff with some mid guys, but I don’t know if they even had a staff to bolster. But the pesky Dodger Killer, Kole Calhoun, is long gone, thus deeming Chase Field to be a safe space again. Everybody in the pool!

– TeeCoZee