Baseball Haikus: Watching Water Boil

The hands have been wrung
The damn lockout is over
Baseball can resume

For over 3 months
The teams have been stagnating
Unable to move

Floodgates are open
All transactions can happen
When the clock hits 6

But actually
The meeting’s at 6:30
So it’s 6:30

So 6:30 comes
And the deal is ratified
Let the Hot Stove burn

Any minute now
A transaction will go through
Any minute now

Writers on standby
Ready to break all the news
Diet Mountain Dew

Jeff Passan was hacked
And Joe Davis was hacked, too
That was all the news

The memes flooded in
The guy with the poking stick
Urging for action

The owners are coy
Playing a game of chicken
But who will move first?

Soon, it is midnight
And nothing has happened yet
Maybe tomorrow


Finally, action
Martin Perez to Texas
Wait, he’s still playing?

Then, some more nothing
The stove won’t even turn on
They shut the gas off

The ace will stay home
The Dodgers will keep Kershaw
For just one more year

And Carlos Rodon
Is now a stupid Giant
I thought I liked him

But there’s not much more
Rumors and speculation
To keep us scrolling

But wait, what the hell?
Freddie Freeman might wear blue?
How spoiled can I get?

I’m invested now
Constantly looking to see
If the deal goes down

“The deal will be done tonight”
I’m asleep by 1

I keep waking up
To see if it happened yet
But there’s nothing new


A new day starting
At least here on the East Coast
Any minute now

Every 10 minutes
Refreshing the Reddit feed
No word on Freeman

Some guys get picked up
Suzuki and Kikuchi
They both get good deals

My eyes turning red
Watching spinning wheels all day
With little payoff

Watching water boil
While the outside world goes on
Just let it happen

A nice trade went through
With Chris Bassitt to the Mets
They’ve got arms for days

And Castellanos?
He’ll be out of Ohio
Dingers hit elsewhere

I’ll go for a walk
Maybe action will occur
When I’m not looking

Trying to refresh
Almost completely biffed it
Damn icy sidewalks

White Sox did shopping
Josh Harrison and Joe Kelly
Good, if they’re healthy

No word on Freeman
And now it’s “not imminent”
Maybe not tonight

The one saving grace
As I go to cook dinner
Is that my stove’s hot

– TeeCoZee