I’d Rather Stay In This Parking Lot [Friday Thoughts W/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. Marge, can we set the oven to “Stun”? It’s Friday, March 11th, Two 0 Two Two. The weather in Jamaica is 45° & Pantone 15-3919 and somewhere, somebody is sizing it up. Looks just about right. Or is it? Their shoes are laced up, their hands dry and their will is ready. But where do they start? Do they go for good footing first or go after a sturdy branch? Are the branches sturdier on the other side? Is there any way of knowing? Little do they know, the branches are all weak and dead. It is, after all, March. And me? I’ve never actually climbed a tree. I could never get my footing right. I also have a thing on my mind.

– I never understood how normal people did it. I’d hear stories about it happening, see it on TV, my friends would brag about times that they bagged a good one. But due to circumstances, it’s something I’ve never partaken in. It’s either too much effort or costs way too much money. There’s no middle ground, no easy way. But now, I’m presented with a predicament and I have no choice but to join the general populous.

For the first time, I have to bring food to work.

I don’t know how you people do it. I don’t even know what people generally eat when they have to bring their own meals. My first meal was half a bag of pretzels and an apple. The second day was the same thing, plus string cheese. Mind you, I’m getting slightly better at this, but I’m still flummoxed. I spend 20 years just getting food at my job. The grass is weirder on the other side.

– I try so hard to maintain my composure when a horse has a silly name. This is, after all, an adult job for grown ups. But then a horse named Reely Excited busts quickly out of the post parade and I can’t help but giggle. Racing is a weird sport.

– I’m currently in a parking lot, killing time. The place I have to go to potentially has limited parking and the prospect of going there and trying to figure it out has been eating me up inside for a week. I thought about backing out just to solve the problem. Land distribution in the city is unfair. Here I am, in one of the most massive parking lots in Queens, almost completely empty. But my destination has no parking at all. In fact, I might be better off parking at the northern edge of the lot and walking 2 and a half miles. I could just drive over there right now and kill time in my eventual parking spot, but that’s also too much pressure. People will see me sitting in my car and think I’m about to leave. Or they might claim that I took their parking spot. Or claim that I’m not even in a parking spot. I could park, ditch the car and walk around Jamaica, but that sounds like the worst option. So instead, I’m going to sit in the car, eat my pasta salad and stare at the other people that are also just sitting in their cars, killing time.

Try this trick over the weekend: Find me a parking spot.

Have an angelic weekend, everyone!

– TeeCoZee