Songs That Suck – “Space For Two”

It just isn’t a good day for you. Three people called in sick, a shipment of rotting chicken came in but the driver bounced, there’s some broken machines and an incessant beeping sound coming from no general direction. It’s not your day. It happens. But on days like these, the radio likes to rub it in, playing scathing songs that make you dwell about how stupid people are and how much you hate everything. Suddenly, you’re in a spiral of rage and it’s all because of this song.

For me, “Space For Two” always comes on the radio when I’m on the verge of exploding. It’s a very innocuous, generic song that I assumed was sung by The Chainsmokers. I’ve never heard a Chainsmokers song, but this one sounded shitty enough to be one. It wasn’t made by The Chainsmokers. Instead, it was made by some schmuck named Mr Probz.

Just look at this guy. Gaze into his empty stare. Admire his K-Mart fedora. If a computer was trying to generate what Jason Mraz looked like, it’d probably print this out and then self-destruct because it realized that existence is pointless and nothing actually matters. At first, I thought his name was pronounced Mr Probes, which raises all sorts of red flags. But then I realized that he had problems. So that’s cool. Advertise how many problems you have. That’ll make people want to listen to your music. Maybe I should do that with my pen name. I’m no longer TeeCoZee. From now on, you can call me Mr Sadd. Because depression is a huge part of my personality. The extra d is for donut.

I’m not going to bother analyzing the lyrics. I don’t need to in order to express how horrible this song is. The verses are a gross romanticization of an extremely toxic and abusive relationship he’s in. She sets his car on fire, so he sells her jewelry. Aren’t they quirky and interesting and not at all problematic? What really bothers me is the hook:

If crazy is a place, then I hope they got space for two

This is straight up what a heartbroken 14 year old would write because he thought it had meaning. It has no meaning, only the illusion of meaning. If you hear somebody say/sing/write it on the bathroom wall, you may nod and say “yeah”. But then if you think about it, it really makes no sense.

For starters, no, crazy is not a place and it will never be a place. There may be a Crazy Town that you could take the Crazy Train to, but the actual emotion/feeling/mental handicap of being crazy could never be a place. Why? BECAUSE THERES NO FUCKING REASON FOR IT TO BE A PLACE. Crazy is already a feeling and emotion that’s so common and tangible. Other similar phrases would be:

If hungry was a place, then I would live there.

If sleepy was a place, then I hope they have comfy beds.

If grumpy was a place, then I would be the Mayor.

None of these phrases make any sense. Because a feeling can never be an actual place. We have no use of it being a place. What kind of dumbass imagery is he even trying to paint here?

And then, there’s the second part. He hopes that there’s space for two. Why wouldn’t there be space for two?!? It’s a fucking place! Let’s suspend all of our disbelief and say that crazy is a place. Do you really think that “they” would go through all the effort of making crazy a place but only big enough to contain one person? But also, that’s so egotistical. If Crazy: The Place had space for two people, what makes them so special that they would be the only residents? There’s plenty of crazy people out there that would love to live in Crazy: The Place. They’d fit right in.

But alas, crazy is not a place. And every time I hear this song it makes me go…crazy. Mainly because nobody else cares when I decide to yell at the radio. They just assume it’s just Ol’ Mr Sadd being Sadd again. And you know what? They’re right.

Join me next time, when I actually listen to The Chainsmokers.

– TeeCoZ—err—Mr Sadd

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