Because Fishing Needed To Be Televised Live [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]

Well…uhh…that was a week. I can’t really say it was particularly a good week for anyone, but it surely existed. On the bright side, it’s not warm AF outside. Allow me to give you a list of lists to distract you from your hourly Doom Scroll…

5) Top 5 Sporting Events That Shouldn’t Be Televised Live

5) The Iditarod

4) Rowing

3) Hot Air Balloon Race

2) QT Marshall Matches

1) Fishing

This seems like a no-brainer. Fishing on television works in theory, but only if it’s pre-recorded and heavily edited. How are the producers supposed to know when dudes are going to catch fish?!? Are they planting fish in there? Is there closed-circuit cameras underwater so production can see when fish are about to be caught? I have way more questions than answers and as I sit here, watching LIVE FISHING, I’m getting even more questions.

UPDATE: One guy caught a really big fish. Or at least I think it’s really big. They’ve been showing a replay of it for the last half hour. I can’t stress enough how pointless live fishing is.

4) Top 5 Things I Do In The Morning That I Fear Is Going To Wake Up Rachel

5) Throwing away cans

4) Getting attacked by Willy

3) The crinkle of the things that contain my breakfast

2) Using my electric toothbrush

1) Watching YouTubers that have a tendency to scream

This has been happening every morning and I still haven’t learned my lesson. I’ll get the volume down to a comfortable level, I’m eating my breakfast, Granning my Turismo, everything’s chill and then all of a sudden, SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING EXCITING HAPPENS AND THE DUDE STARTS YELLING “LETS GOOOOOOOOO”. And then I hear a stir and feel immense guilt. Sunrise, sunset.

3) Top 5 Most Triggering Sounds

5) Subway announcement chime

4) Car horn

3) QT Marshall’s voice

2) The self-scan saying, “Please Wait…”

1) My alarm ringtone

And that’s nobody’s fault but my own. I chose to use the generic out-of-the-box ringtone to wake up to, so I can’t blame people when I hear it. But whenever I hear it in public or on TV, I get the heaviest feeling of dread that I have to wake up, regardless of the fact that I’m not in bed and I’ve been awake for hours. It just reminds me that someday, I’m going to have to wake up.

2) Top 5 Hand-Face Gestures To Use When Sitting At A Desk

5) Thumb and index finger on both cheeks

4) Index finger under nose, middle and ring finger on chin

3) Index finger on temple, thumb on cheek

2) Whole hand on temple, head tilted

1) Index finger on cheek, thumb on chin

I don’t think this needs any explanation. If your index finger isn’t on your cheek and your thumb isn’t on your chin, are you even pretending to work?

1) Top 5 New Pictures In My Camera Roll






Man, I thought Lent started weeks ago. But then on Wednesday, I almost told a guy that he has some shit on his face. I didn’t do it. 3 minutes later, I got a parking ticket. Thanks, Jesus!

Have a sacrilegious week, everyone!

– TeeCoZee