I’d Rather Watch Teenagers Tackle Cows [Friday Thoughts W/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. I call the big one, Gamblor. It’s Friday, March Fourth, Twenty-Twenty-Three-Minus-One. The weather in Ozone Park is 31° & Pantone 14-4318 and somewhere, somebody is sizing up a satellite dish. If they try to tackle it, they might fall off the roof. If they use too much force, they might tear up the roof. After giving it some thought, they decide that the best route is to rip off the antenna thingy, rendering it a useless piece of plastic, despite the fact that it was already a useless piece of plastic. Little do they know, they should probably take out the whole thing. And me? When I’m told to take out the dishes, I know it’s dinner time. I also have some things on my mind…

– I started playing Gran Turismo 7 this morning, which was a very immersive experience. The way that the haptic feedback on the Dualsense controller replicates the actual feel of a car is mind-blowing. After a good hour of tearing up some test tracks, I had to leave for work. However, instead of the open highway I was just immersed in, it was gridlock traffic the whole way there. I haven’t had such a polarizing driving experience since I binged Vice City before going to Drivers Ed. If you ever want traffic to be any more excruciating than it already is, make sure you play a racing game before hitting the road. It’s so wonderfully miserable!

– Because I couldn’t care less about the NBA news cycle, I ended up watching a rodeo this morning. But it wasn’t a normal rodeo, per say. Instead of grown men riding bulls, it was a bunch of teenagers trying to wrestle baby cows. This may be normal to some, but when you’re not expecting anything good to be on TV at 11am, it’s a total fucking trip. Some got trampled, others hung on for dear life. One kid in particular had his cow in a sleeper hold and they kept cutting to him every 30 seconds to see if anything changed. It didn’t. The cow was selling the sleeper good. But then the kid tried to get fancy and transitioned to a Camel Clutch. The cow immediately got away and the kid chased after it, dejected. Another kid successfully jumped from on top of a cow onto a smaller calf. There was no organization, no structure, just total chaos. It was a space jazz rodeo.

Following that was an even-more unstructured and unsafe 5-horse wagon race. The dirt ring was not maintained enough for full-speed racing and the wagons looked like they could topple at any second. They didn’t. Kroger won. All in all, it was the most entertaining 15 minutes of the week.

– I mentioned previously that I started my daily writing again because I felt empty inside. That’s only the half-truth. While I am creatively stagnating in the worst way, I was also being made fun of by a glitch daily. For the past few months, whenever I am at work, I get a notification suggesting the WordPress app. And I can’t make the Lock Screen notification go away without opening the app. There’s no message in the text box either, which makes me dwell on the void in my soul that used to be filled with writing. It only goes off at the store, because my phones location determined that it’s the only coordinates that I’ve ever used the app. It mocks me, saying, “Hey, remember this app? You used to use this app all the time. You should use this app. What else are you gonna do? Browse Twitter? I bet you would, you lazy asshole”. After a while, it got to be too much. So this is me, trying to prove my smart ass phone wrong. Either that, or I’m feeding into the notifications. I’ll never know the truth.

– Try this trick over the weekend: Listen to your phone when it’s trying to drop hints. It knows better than you.

Have an obedient weekend, everyone!

– TeeCoZee