Day 338: Because There’s A Hurricane Coming Through [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]

I mean, yeah, there is a hurricane coming through, but it’s mostly going to miss New York City. The Hamptons, on the other hand, are in for a world of hurt. But we don’t need The Hamptons. We need New York City. And there is no hurricane coming through New York City. That said, there has been an assload of rain. Maybe even two assloads. I’m not sure how loaded an assload is these days. This whole scene has me slumming at home, painting, sipping on Mountain Dew and occasionally looking outside to see if it’s still raining [it is]. Since I don’t have much to do, I might as well write some lists. So here they are. Rock them like a hurricane.

5) Top 5 Mountain Dew Slogans That Should’ve Existed

5) Dew You
4) Dew it up
3) Dew Whatever, Man
2) Dew it, Doug
1) Much adew about nothing

“Much adew about nothing” would be a perfect ad campaign for Diet Mountain Dew. Because there’s much to dew, but none of the calories. It’s so perfect, it should really be used. No, I am not trying to find a job in marketing. I’ve just drank too much Mountain Dew today.

4) Top 5 Best Moments From Summerslam

5) RKBro winning the titles
4) Damian Priest also getting gold
3) Becky Lynch’s pop
2) Brock Lesnar’s ponytail
1) Edge’s Brood entrance

Hearing that signature heavy breathing and farty synth sent goosebumps down my spine. Like, The Brood wasn’t even that good and they still successfully made us all nostalgic for it.

3) Top 5 Worst Moments From Summerslam

5) Shinsuke being given an entrance for nothing
4) Miz TV and the lack of crowd reaction
3) Bianca getting Kofi-ed
2) Peacock’s idea of “DVR Controls”
1) Goldberg taking a full 5 seconds to sell a cane shot to the knee and ultimately pretending that it’s so hurt that the match had to end.

It was just a painful way to end a championship match. Not only that, but they had the grapefruits to show a replay of the cane shot to further cement just how bad Goldberg is at selling. After the match was called off, Bobby Lashley beat up a 15 year old kid. I wish I was making this up. I wish I had made up half of Summerslam. I would’ve made some decent cash.

2) Top 5 Things To Do When You’re Home Alone During A Hurricane

5) Watch baseball from California, where rain doesn’t exist
4) Look at the cat
3) Clean
2) Paint
1) Make lists

Almost all of the things on the list I had to do anyway. It’s just that there’s no sun out there to make me feel bad about being inside all day.

1) Top 5 New Pictures In My Camera Roll






Did I mention that I painted today? I painted today. I realize that it’s pure trash, but considering how long it’s been, it feels really damn good to do it. And at the end of the day, who really cares if what you made is good? You made it, so therefore it should be good enough for you. I can write terrible bullshit every single day without batting an eye, but as soon as I try to do something artistic, I become cripplingly self-conscious. Well, no more. I did this thing and I’m happy with it, damnit.

Have a self-congratulatory week, everyone!

– TeeCoZee