Day 315: I’d Rather Stop Watching A Spinning Circle [Friday Thoughts W/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. Go! Go! Go! Bread! Bread! Bread! It’s Friday, July 30th, 2ZeroTwo1. The weather in Manhattan is 78° & Pantone 17-3812 and somewhere, somebody can hear a grind in the distance. But where is it coming from? Outside? Inside? Above? Below? They walk from room to room, but the sound remains the same. Never gets any louder or quieter. Is the sound following them? Or even worse is the sound in their head? Little do they know, they have nerve damage in their leg and there’s a plethora of amber alerts going on simultaneously. And me? I always just assume that every noise is coming from the fridge. When it isn’t, I’m always surprised. And I love being surprised. I also have some things on my mind…

– I got my first covid test today, because I am extremely irresponsible and petrified of the truth. Also, the time I probably had covid, they were only testing the people on their death bed. But either way, this should not have been the first time and I am utterly ashamed of myself. Now that that’s out of the bag, I’ll also admit the following:

• Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull is the only Indiana Jones movie that I’ve seen

• I spent years not using hand soap

• I smoke way less weed than I say I do

• I always thought Holy Smokes was the sequel to Smoke

• The Astros used to be one of my favorite teams

• I didn’t follow baseball until 2011, but I will nod knowingly even when I don’t know something

• I’ve never put more than 2 hours into a Zelda game

• When I was 9, I flipped off the mailman because he didn’t bring my Columbia House CDs

Glad to get all those things off my chest. Anyways, I was getting my first Covid test. I honestly had no idea what to expect, other than the hearsay that they’re going to wipe my brain with a Q-Tip. So needless to say, I was nervous. As it turns out, it’s not so bad. They just picked for boogers and I was on my merry way. My nose is kind of dry. That’s it. My brain wasn’t violated. I kind of feel…ripped off? But that isn’t the real problem.

The real problem is that I’ve been vaccinated for 7 months and I still need to get checked for Covid. The real problem is that Covid is still around and even worse, it’s on the rise. For anybody out there that hasn’t been vaccinated, doesn’t plan on getting vaccinated and thinks that the vaccine will make your arm magnetic: From the bottom of my heart, fuck you. I realize that some people reading this might be in that demographic, so I’ll say it again: fuck you. It is your fault that this is still going on and your selfishness/idiocy is going to cause a multitude of death. Even that wish.com Chester Cheetah got the vaccine. This will not end until you stop being an entitled dolt. Fuck you.

Anyways, I don’t have Covid. So that’s cool. Carry on.

– If I sneeze and nobody blesses me, can I request a blessing?

– Holy macaroni, that trade deadline was a doozy. While I’m happy that my two favorite teams made out like complete bandits, I’m still a little woozy from the whole experience. I’m a very compulsive person. When I know something could happen at any second, I can’t tear my eyes off my phone. And when I woke up Wednesday morning to the news that Max Scherzer was getting dealt in 24 hours, it ruined my whole day. Every second I didn’t spend refreshing Twitter and Reddit were seconds of desperation. I was straight up hypnotized by spending circles. For 30 straight hours, I had spinning circles on the brain, running circles around it.

Which made me realize: they really need to randomize loading icons. Constant spinning circles can’t be good for our health. What happened to hour glasses? Hell, even a bar every now and then would be cool. Or some thing that we haven’t seen before. The options are limited, but every app resorts to the circle. All it’s doing is hypnotizing us into delirium and it needs to stop!

In speaking of delirium, have you looked at the Dodger’s roster lately? YOWZA!

– I was ringing up a delivery order today and I asked if he wanted to add a tip to the bill. He said no, he had it covered. 10 minutes later, the delivery guy came back sad and befuddled. He didn’t get a tip because he didn’t have Zelle. This is the world we made for ourselves. I hate everyone.

– Try this trick over the weekend: tip in cash. For fucks sake, don’t stiff a guy because he doesn’t have CashApp.

Have a gratuitous weekend, everyone!

– TeeCoZee