Day 310: Because I’d Rather Have People Pick Lists For Me [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]

As the sun sets on another stressful Sunday, I’m arrested by the realization that I have no lists to…umm…list. So instead of writing about my crippling anxiety, I begged you, the reader, to give me list ideas. And you know what I found out? Writing other people’s lists are fucking hard! I thought it would be easy, but nah, you guys are challenging! So here’s the lists that I demanded you to request! And then some pictures! In list form! Yeah!

5) Top 5 NWO Moments Of 1996 (Requested by Mike)

5) Eric Bischoff’s heel turn

4) Them turning on all of Hogans friends

3) Their T-Shirt commercials

2) Any time Scott Hall spoke

1) The Nitro takeover

I’m not gonna lie, I found the first year of the NWO to be underwhelming and mean-spirited for the sake of being mean-spirited. A lot of the highlights were just famous moments of catharsis. That said, I did thoroughly enjoy Scott Hall in general and that’s something I find shocking. I think my expectations for him were so incredibly low that everything he does has me sports entertained. Also, the episode where they fully invade Nitro should’ve been made the standard when the WCW/ECW Invasion angle happened 5 years later. This truly felt like a new and exciting brand split, even though I already know how it ends. The shit gave me goosebumps.

4) Top 5 Olympic Sports That I Actually Somewhat Care About (Requested By Nicole)

5) Softball

4) Swimming

3) Trampoline

2) Baseball

1) Skateboarding

She originally wanted me to list which sports should be included, but honestly, the Olympics are already saturated enough. Having skateboarding in the Olympics this year is a beautiful thing. Finally a person like me, a lame, can enjoy skateboarding without the edgy camera cuts and Mountain Dew shilling. I already Do The Dew. Whenever someone tries to push it in my face, I second guess myself and wonder if I’ve been Dewing it wrong this whole time. But with the Olympics, I can enjoy some flippy-grindy shit without the existential crisis. Also, they apparently added break dancing for 2024. The Olympic committee is going into full Panic Mode and I am here for it!

3) Top 5 Worst Ways To Identify A Non-Solid/Gaseous Substance (Requested by Rachel)

5) Liquid

4) Secretion

3) Diet Dr Pepper

2) Moisture

1) Fluid

Whenever somebody tells me to drink plenty of fluids, I gag a little bit inside. There shouldn’t be much crossover in things that leave your body and things you consume. You don’t tell people to make sure they “eat plenty of pre-feces”. Urine is a fluid. Mountain Dew is not. This is the hill I dehydrate on.

2) Top 5 Salty Snacks (Requested by Dad)

5) Crackers

4) Almonds

3) Cheez-Its

2) Microwave Popcorn

1) Plain Ass Potato Chips

I love that my Dad threw me a softball. I was hoping for 4 softballs, but the other 3 made me think and shit. It wasn’t a chill time at all. Give me plain potato chips. Fuck a flavoring. It takes away from the tatoey goodness. Also, popcorn is only good out of a microwave. Miss me with your bags, movie theater, tins and stovetops. The only worthy popcorn is radioactive.

1) Top 5 New Pictures In My Camera Roll

5)

4)

3)

2)

1)

This picture is a microcosm. The Rock, sitting in the backseat of a Lincoln Town Car, somehow playing Dreamcast with a black screen, while wearing sunglasses. I kind of want a framed and autographed copy of this photo. It’s high art at its highest.

Have a Dreamcasty week, everyone!

– TeeCoZee