Day 309: Baseball Haikus – Current Standings 07/24/21


Boston Red Sox (60-38)

Credit to Dugie
And Mr Banana Man
For the surprise wins.

Tampa Bay Rays (59-39)

They sold off their Ace,
And they still keep winning games.
Fucked up strategy.

New York Yankees (50-46)

Hitters have gone cold.
The wife beaters are broken.
You love to see it.

Toronto Blue Jays (48-45)

Are they Dunedin?
Or are they from Buffalo?
A team with no home.

Baltimore Orioles (32-64)

Come to Baltimore!
To the most beautiful park!
And the saddest team!


Chicago White Sox (58-39)

Yermin retired.
But then, sike, no he didn’t!
He loves attention.

Cleveland Guardians (48-47)

They have a new name,
But not much more of value.
That’s Cleveland, baybee!!!

Detroit Tigers (47-52)

Close to Five Hundo,
They’ve been hotter than the sun.
Too bad it’s too late.

Minnesota Twins (42-56)

Nelson Cruz is gone.
They’ll also trade Maeda.
Everything must go!

Kansas City Royals (40-55)

I kind of forgot
That the Royals are a team.
Seems like they did, too.


Houston Astros (59-39)

They’re still winning games,
Fueled by the boos of the crowd.
Those sociopaths.

Oakland Athletics (56-43)

Just like Kris Davis,
They do the same thing each year.
Born To Runner-Up.

Seattle Mariners (52-46)

No hot start this year.
Instead, it’s a hot middle.
Not sure how it ends.

Los Angeles Angels (47-49)

They have Ohtani.
And a recovering Trout.
They’re still fun to watch.

Texas Rangers (35-63)

It’s time to trade up.
Instead, they’ll extend Gallo
And shut out suitors.


New York Mets (51-43)

With their Home Run Horse,
And fictional batting coach,
They’re the best weirdos.

Philadelphia Phillies (48-48)

Are the Phillies good?
Or are they just good enough?
Don’t care, either way.

Atlanta Braves (47-49)

Acuna is out.
And their ace is made of glass.
Put a fork in em.

Washington Nationals (45-51)

They could trade Scherzer
And still play in October.
‘Cuz the world’s not fair.

Miami Marlins (41-57)

Like an ex-lover,
They bring you pain and anguish.
And some fruit baskets.


Milwaukee Brewers (57-41)

A staff of aces
And an offense of “some guys”
Somehow wins you games.

Cincinnati Reds (50-47)

Like Skyline Chili,
The Reds are polarizing
And totally sweet.

St Louis Cardinals (49-49)

Oh, what I would give
To see a losing season.
Just let me know what.

Chicago Cubs (48-50)

The vultures circling
To snatch up their Kris Bryant
And kill Craig Kimbrel

Pittsburgh Pirates (37-60)

They only win games
They have no business winning.
The true spoiler team.


San Francisco Giants (61-36)

It’s time to panic.
The Giants are kinda good.
And they just. Won’t. Lose.

Los Angeles Dodgers (59-40)

Every chance they get,
They will blow it in the Ninth.
Allergic to First.

San Diego Padres (58-42)

The face of the league
Still won’t win the division.
Must be how Trout feels.

Colorado Rockies (43-54)

They’re well on their way
To finish with more walk-offs
Than wins on the road.

Arizona Diamondbacks (30-69)

Sixty-Nine losses
The nicest record to have
Stop the season now.

– TeeCoZee