Day 308: I’d Rather Not Let Willy Cause A Car Accident [Friday Thoughts W/ TeeCoZee]
Good Moleman. Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life sweating like a pig? I don’t know. Pigs tend to chew. I’d say you sweat more like a duck. It’s Friday, July 23rd, 202Uno. The weather in Astoria is 75° & Pantone 19-3924 and somewhere, somebody is sitting sideways in their seat. They are only doing this because everyone else is. They feel like there’s probably something they’re missing out on, like some sort of performance that’s about to start or a new posture-improving position. Maybe it’s just what the kids are doing. Even though they don’t enjoy it, they can’t swim against the current. Somebody else gets on the train and sits normally, giving them permission to do so as well. Little do they know, that person thought twice about it, too. And me? I always take a corner seat when available. I’d rather the train rock me front to back instead of left to right. But if there’s no corner seat, I live with it. I don’t need norms. I’m an adult. I also have some things on my mind.
– The real estate on Broadway is weird as fuck. I understand that real estate prices are annoyingly unaffordable, but there’s a new trend that I keep seeing. Businesses keep moving across the street. This may seem normal on paper, so customers don’t get confused, but it seems like an unnecessary middle finger to the landlord. Like, “Fuck you, I won’t pay your high rent, I’m moving across the street. Now every time you have to tend to your stupid, ugly, vacant storefront, you can look at us and realize what you lost out on. Even though we’re Wells Fargo, and we can totally afford your rent, we would rather gut the vault and everything, build a new vault and open up shop across the street. Because fuck you. Your toupee is ugly.” Or at least that must be what Wells Fargo is thinking. There’s no other reason why they would move across the street. Businesses moving out of spite is the most New York thing I’ve ever heard.
– I was wearing my Sami Zayn shirt to the bagel shop today because duh. I don’t need to explain to you that bagels and Sami Zayn are awesome. But the guy at the counter looked confused. He inquired:
Did you get a haircut?
I don’t think so. I got new glasses?
No, your shirt…
That’s when it dawned on me that not only did my bagel guy not know me, he thought that I was wearing a T-Shirt of myself and also, I’m Sami Zayn. I must have a weird fascination with guys that look like me. I love Sami Zayn, listen to Action Bronson and use Michelin Tires. The whole situation had a whole lot more to unpack than the egg everything bagels that actually existed in my bag.
– I was driving down a country road a few days ago. I don’t really know how I got there, but I was trying to meet up with a friend from high school. Even though my playlist was on shuffle, it kept playing Alice In Chains songs. I didn’t know that many Alice In Chains songs were even on my playlist. Something was…off…
Suddenly, I felt an awful prickly sensation at my feet. While I was driving, it felt like I was stepping through a patch of thorny weeds. Was something stuck in my sandal? What was I walking through earlier? Where was I? Sharp pain kept stabbing my feet and I got so distracted that I crashed right into a ditch.
Next thing I knew, I was laying in bed and Willy was hacking and slashing at my feet. I sat up and yelled at him:
Willy! I’m trying to drive here! You made me crash!
He ran away, confused. The damn cat is a menace to road safety. But I guess it’s my own fault for being asleep at the wheel.
– Random conversation I had with Rachel this week:
Are we a power couple?
I don’t know what that means.
They kick ass.
I guess we do that.
So I guess we’re a power couple. Watch out for us.
– Try this trick over the weekend: find your soulmate, kick ass with them, enjoy being a power couple.
Have a powerful weekend, everyone!