Day 303: Because I Forgot That Tony Hawk Came Out For The Switch [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]
As the title clearly shows, I completely forgot that the Switch port of THPS 1+2 came out. Not that I haven’t already played through the PS4/5 version 30 times already, because I have. But now, I can play Tony Hawk on the go! I can play it on the train, on the train and…uhh…okay, I literally bought it just to play on the train. But now the only thing I can think about is Tony Hawk. I’m doing combos in my head. Superman is playing internally on repeat. The fever is back. I have no choice but to write a bunch of lists about Tony Hawk. Sorry, Mom/any other poor bastard that reads this.
5) Top 5 Worst Controllers To Play Tony Hawk On
5) N64 Controller
4) GameCube Controller
2) Wiimote/classic controller
1) Handheld Joycon
Lucky for me, I’m only going to be playing the Switch version in 30 minute spurts on my commute. Anything longer than that is going to cause permanent damage to my wrists. It’s probably because I play like an asshole, but still, it’s an asshole game designed for assholes. I played the Gameboy Advance version on an Altoids tin and it was more comfortable. The portability is great, but I’m going to break a lot of joycons with this game.
4) Top 5 Best Tony Hawk Games/Releases
5) THPS HD
4) THPS 1
3) THPS 2
2) THPS 3
1) THPS 1+2
Here I am, stirring up the damn pot again. Of course the first 2 games are classics and stack up with the best of all time. But here’s my argument: the revert makes the game 50x more enjoyable and once you get used to it, you can’t go without it. Since this was first implemented in THPS 3, it makes it superior to the first two, but inferior to the superior remakes. So no, 3 isn’t better than 1 and 2, but I would not play 1 or two if 3 or 1+2 were an option. Does that make sense? Did you even bother to read this paragraph? No? Perfect. Let’s move on.
3) Top 5 Worst Tony Hawk Levels
2) Downhill Jam
While Downhill Jam may be the most frustrating and pointless levels (even more amplified by the fact that Activision was drunk enough to make a whole spinoff game out of it), nothing will ever add up to the disappointment I felt in my heart with the Mall level. It’s dull, lifeless and you can’t get a good line going for the life of you. There are literally no good spots to do tricks. The whole level is opposite of what it should be. While 13 year old Troy was hoping for a vast, open world, I instead got a linear snoozer. Fuck the Mall level.
2) Top 5 Best Tony Hawk Levels
4) School II
3) Venice Beach
Once again, you will probably cry blasphemy for not putting the Warehouse at number one. But seriously, Marseilles is the ultimate level. It’s visually pleasing, bigger than the warehouse and literally every square inch has purpose. Even the worst players can rack up million point combos there. Warehouse might be the original, but Marseilles is everything that the Warehouse isn’t.
1) Top 5 New Photos In My Camera Roll
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go think about Tony Hawk.
Have a flippy week, everyone!