Day 292: Stupid Storyline Ideas – Jimmy Uso [Wrasslin’ For Lunch]

As reported by every single news source covering sports, sports entertainment and the state of Florida, Jimmy Uso was pulled over Monday night in Pensacola. He was driving 50 in a 35 and blowing through red lights, obviously because he wanted to get out of Pensacola. But to his dismay, the next town over is still in Florida and he got busted before he could make his escape. After hassling the cops some more, he blew a .205 BAC and was promptly booked on $500 bail. Although the higher-ups at WWE are furious, Dave Meltzer reported that there are no plans for consequence at the moment.

But where do they go from here? Do they just ignore it and continue his conquest to be Jimmy “Saturday Night Main Event Left Hand Man” Uso or do they swerve in a different direction, with intended puns? It seems obvious what they need to do. There’s a storyline already writing itself that will add dimensions and richness to the already popular Head Of The Table angle. The answer is right there in front of us and it could cause a chain reaction of captivating story for months to come:

Jimmy ran over Elias.

Remember last summer when Jeff Hardy got drunk and ran over Elias but then it was revealed that he was framed by probably Sheamus, but he never actually admitted to it and by the time the storyline was over, we all forgot what even started it in the first place and Elias turned heel? Yeah, me neither. But it allegedly happened. While we’re near the 1 year anniversary of the incident, it’s the perfect time to open it back up for no reason. Jimmy has a drinking problem. Jimmy goes vroom. Jimmy runs over Elias and turns him heel. The stuff writes itself!

Now, where does Sheamus fit into all of this?

That will be revealed when he comes back from his broken nose injury and gets drafted to Smackdown. Ever wonder why he dresses like a shitty boxing trainer? That’s because he’s a hard working blue collar man, but not in a heavy machinery kind of way. But he does use heavy machinery sometimes. He’s a carpenter. Duh. How else do you think Roman Reigns got his table to be the head of? Sheamus and Roman have been working in cahoots since the days of The Shield, playing puppet master, just waiting for the right moment to reveal their master plan.

This causes Elias to turn face, which works well with having live crowds again. He makes numerous songs poking fun at the Table Family and gets a Kevin Owensesque main event run against Roman. Eventually, he teams up with Jeff Hardy, and they go on a successful tag team title run despite the best effort from the Uso’s, who still can’t get the title but try every single week anyways because Smackdown.

This all culminates at Wrestlemania when Roman Reigns finally gets his match against The Rock. Roman’s life goes off the deep end and he blames it all on Elias making fun of him. He’s lost his friends, his respect from the family and most of all, Sheamus turns on him, so he has no more tables to be the head of. On the road to Wrestlemania, the final bombshell is dropped:

Rikishi was actually the one that ran over Elias.

And he did it for The Rock.

This makes too much sense.

– TeeCoZee