Day 281: Baseball Haiku Doubleheader – Phillies at Mets 6/25/21

Top of the 1st: Phillies 0, Mets 0

Bruce fucking Hooper
Cold at Citi for 3 years
Not hot, never hot

Vat of sauerkraut
Brings back drunken memories
Of eating handfuls

Top of the 3rd: Phucks 0, Metropolitans 0

Aaron The Nola
Striking out 6 straight mofos
This one will be quick

The teletubbies
They’re dancing to Steve Winwood
I need a damn drink

10 k streak broken
By a bloop double from Pete
Tinky-Winky clapped

Bottom of the 5th: Philly 1, Queens 0

The fifth inning stretch
Just doesn’t feel very right
I hate Manfredball

Freeze, no good scumbag
Sheriff McKinney’s in town
To fly out, take names

Final: Eagles 1, Jets 2

A shirtless hero
Dom Smith came to the rescue
Let’s do it again

A game in the books
Garbage floating in the wind
And sandals hanging

Matt Moore still exists
I haven’t seen him in years
The jobber deluxe

Top of the 3rd: 76ers 0, Nets 0

Like a fresh reset
The benched players have a chance
To be benched again

Alec Bohm can’t smile
It slowly turns into a frown
But Pete’s smile is dope

Fuck you, Bruce Hooper
Just go back to Nevada
Nobody loves you

Oh, Archie Bradley
Won’t forget you pooped yourself
Every time you pitch

Top of the 8th: Phanatics 1, Mr Met 1

More extra innings
Free baseball on free baseball
Just straight up bargains

Final: Flyers 2, Islanders 1

Two games come and gone
We stagger into the night
Hope my car is safe

– TeeCoZee