Day 273: I’d Rather Not Have A Cat Named Berry [Friday Thoughts W/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. We’ll take the Spruce Moose! Everybody in the pool! It’s Friday, June 18th, Two0Two1. The weather in SoHo is 82° & Pantone 659C and somewhere, somebody is hiding in under a bed. Who they are hiding from, they would love to explain, but they can’t make much noise. You know, because they’re hiding. Maybe they’ll tell us later. Maybe they’ll never tell us. Maybe we’ll hear about it from somebody else. Or maybe, just maybe, they’re hiding from themselves. And me? I prefer to hide in bathrooms. If the bathroom is in the basement, all the better. Look, I’m doing it right now! And I have some things on my mind…

– I was eating chips with my lunch today because chips rule. I twisted my body to grab a chip and in doing so, every cell that made up my body failed at the same time. A pain shot from my torso, one worse than anything I had ever felt. I’m currently okay, it just hurts to twist to the right, lean back or walk like a regular person. And in this moment, I’ve had enough. I’m 34 years old, I can’t keep abusing my body. I can’t keep having potato chip-related injuries. This is kids stuff. From now on, all of my food is going to sit directly in front of me. If it’s off to the side, it’s not worth consuming. It’s time I start acting my age and stop living life on the edge. After all, I have a family now!

– Driscoll is slowly gaining a monopoly in the berry industry and I don’t know how to feel about it. While I’m not fond of Big Berry taking over and dictating my consuming options, it at least leads to more consistency. If I’m buying fresh Driscoll berries in season, I know they’re going to taste uniformly good. It’s when I start buying from other farms that the problems start. I opted to buy blueberries from Hillberry Farms today. I figured they had berry in the name, they should probably be acceptable. All the appearances were deceptive. Although the berries were plump and firm, there was only two apparent flavor profiles: sour and flavorless. I felt like I was eating capsules of stomach acid. I ate the whole point, because I’m a self-respecting fat guy. But I wasn’t happy about it. I now see the point of Driscoll taking out the little guy. Because sometimes, the little guy doesn’t know what he’s doing.

– I was trying to figure out if Willy actually recognizes his own name. I do this from time to time to test his intelligence. So I call him by fake names to see if I still catch his attention. I tried calling him Barry, but he didn’t respond. So I called for Barry again. Still nothing. Then I realized that I couldn’t come up with any other names. So I looked around the room for a different name. There was a book on my desk. Perfect. I’ll use the authors name. I’ll call him…Will.

Maybe I should be testing my own intelligence before I start worrying about the cat.

– Rachel also tested Willy’s intelligence. Apparently, if you carry your cat towards a wall, they’ll put their paws out to prevent a kitty concussion. Apparently, Willy is aware of the dangers of walls.

– Willy tested our intelligence by looking extremely cute while planning something totally devious. It worked. Rachel cooed at his glory and sent me a picture, so that I could also coo. I have no idea what he was planning and frankly, I don’t wanna know.

In summation: Willy 3, Us 0

– Try this trick over the weekend: stop trying to trick your cat. They just want to lay in the sun and vibe.

Have a trickless weekend, everyone!

– TeeCoZee