Day 254: Because It Won’t Stop Raining [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]
I hate the expression, “April showers bring May flowers”. It’s a complete lie. I have actually bought no flowers in the month of May. This is probably because it was raining the whole damn time! The new expression should be, “Buy flowers in summer. It might not be raining then”. That’s much better advice. So while I wait patiently to be able to leave the house with sandals again, here’s some lists!
5) Top 5 Parking Situations
4) Some guy directing you with a lightsaber
3) Regular straight-up lot style
2) On a lookout hill with your Boo
There’s nothing more satisfying than a good diagonal park. Something about the symmetry releases endorphins in my brain. Just imagining it is making me more relaxed. Ahh. Nice and diagonal. Also, screw the lightsaber guy. I’ll never trust him to not lead me directly into a Honda.
4) Top 5 Soft Cheeses
4) Fromage D’Affinois
2) Humbolt Fog
I feel like I don’t need to explain myself here. It’s obvious that these are the best soft cheeses and any other suggestions are just completely wrong.
3) Top 5 Reliefs
5) Heartburn relief
4) Making it to the bathroom
3) Having more money than you thought you did
2) Realizing you don’t have to work today
1) When your bullpen doesn’t melt down
There’s a lot more reliefs that I didn’t list. I feel like we take relief for granted. It’s one of the most common joys in our life. Whether it’s not feeling a pain you were previously worried about or realizing that it was all a bad dream about being married to Bruce Springsteen, relief is a cheap thrill that we feel on a daily basis.
2) Top 5 Days Of The Week
I deliberately made this list just to say fuck you to Saturday. You’ll never get any love from me, you miserable asshole of a day!
1) Top 5 New Pictures In My Camera Roll
Even after reading that other people also freak out about the gas pump, nothing changed. I’m still convinced that not hitting the receipt button results in free gas for the next car. I also won’t leave the Chase ATM until I hear the chime jingle. One time, it didn’t play and I was uncomfortable for days. I NEED TO KNOW THAT THE TRANSACTION IS CLOSED, DAMNIT!
Have a paranoid week, everyone!