Day 240: Because I Finally Get To Have A Lazy Sunday [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]

For me, having a lazy Sunday is about as rare as a Sunday without annoying national sports broadcasters or a Wal-Mart without a maskless bearded old man. But its happened, somehow. I don’t have to do a damn thing today. I don’t have to go into work. I don’t have to shower. I don’t have to take the N train slingshot [sorry, Rach]. I don’t even have to write lists! But I’m going to, out of the goodness of my heart. And out of duty. So I guess I do have to do something today. Damn you.

5) Top 5 Billboards I Saw While Driving Into Michigan

5) Guns
4) Fireworks
3) Reporting heroin dealers
2) Sports gambling
1) Weed

And all of them were within a few miles of each other. Nothing says “Pure Michigan” quite like getting high, betting on the Pistons, being a snitch and protecting your house when your uppance eventually comes. I saw them and couldn’t help but feel warm inside. I was home.

4) Top 5 Things My Dad Made Us Watch This Weekend

5) Alvin & The Chipmunks [2007]
4) The Lone Ranger
3) Bat Masterson
2) The Tigers Game
1) Road House

Alvin & The Chipmunks was only #5 because he only made us watch 5 things this weekend. Don’t mistake this as an endorsement of that cinematic atrocity. In fact…

3) Top 5 Things That I Found Wrong With Alvin & The Chipmunks

5) Jason Lee’s acting
4) The CGI
3) The size of the chipmunks
2) David Cross’s acting
1) How 2003 it was, despite the fact that it came out in 2007

Back when it came out, I had a brief idea to get really baked and see it in the theater. I dodged a bullet the size of Utah. To be fair, I only watched 52 minutes of it, but I was greatly troubled. All of the actors seemed extremely uncomfortable with accepting a paycheck to do the movie. It wasn’t a labor of love or a labor of hate, it just seemed like a labor. Nobody knew how to react to the invisible CGI critters, nor did they know how big they were going to end up being in the final cut or if they’ll ever act in this town again. In Jason Lee’s case, it was a big fat no. David Cross had to eat a lot of shit to regain face and truth be told, he still hasn’t actually done it. That’s why Bob Odenkirk is doing brilliant work and David is stuck doing uncomfortable schlock like Todd Margaret.

2) Top 5 Reasons Why I Can’t Wait To Be Back In New York

5) Less advertisements for drugs and gambling
4) More mask wearers
3) I get to see that fluffy cat
2) If I stick around longer, I might get coaxed into watching The Squeakuel
1) I miss my wife

Even with a trip as short as this one, I have to look on the bright side of going back to the daily grind. Michigan may have been my first home, but my real home is somewhere else and I’ve got my favorite person in the whole wide world waiting there. If you ask me, it’s not a bad consolation prize for having to go back to work.

1) Top 5 New Pictures In My Camera Roll






I wish I could be as comfortable as my dad looks in that picture. I guess I could try. And by doing that, I have to stop writing.

Have a lazy week, everyone!

– TeeCoZee