Day 238: I’d Rather Learn How To Teleport [Friday Thought W/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. Stop pummeling me! I’m filled with chocolate! It’s Friday, May 14th, Twenty-Thousand and Two One. The weather in Chesaning is 54° & Pantone 15-3919 and somewhere, somebody is far away from home. The further they stare down the road, the further the distance seems. The miles and minutes and hours barely tick away. There’s nothing to see. Nothing to do. But they have to pay attention. There’s dire consequences for not paying attention. Just keep staring straight ahead. Keep your hands in front of you. Sit forever. And me? I’m already home, thank god. But then again, my real home is 12 hours away. Gulp. I guess I have a thing on my mind.

– I made it to Michigan in one physical piece and 10 million internal pieces. I’m not made for the road. The monotony drives me to madness and the radio only staves it off for so long. Driving is such a dangerous act and yet it’s impossible to focus on it for 12 straight hours. But it has to be done. I simply don’t understand how people do it. I get delirious just thinking about being a long haul trucker. The open road is expansive and free, but it’s also endless and lonely. I guess that’s why the truckers invented meth.

In speaking of drug abuse, I was listening to a podcast about Josh Hamilton. I didn’t learn much, but I did learn that he once spent $100k on crack in a week. I don’t know how that’s even possible without grossly overpaying for crack. But that was peanuts, because in his short MLB Career, he swindled teams out of over $150 million.

Which got me wondering, what the hell would I do with $150 million? I could buy a nicer car, but it wouldn’t get me to Michigan faster. I could just fly more often, but I hate the altitude changes and the rigmarole of air travel. So I decided that if I had $150 million, I would learn how to teleport. That seems to be the most efficient mode of transportation. And I was okay with this notion for way too long before I remembered that teleportation doesn’t exist. It was at that moment I realized that I was already starting to lose it. And I was still 200 miles away from Toledo.

Try this trick over the weekend: invent teleportation. You might earn $150 million.

Have a lucrative weekend, everyone!

– TeeCoZee