Day 232: Baseball Haikus – Diamondbacks at Mets

Ass Cab bends over
Rapidly rubbing his bat
Welcome Back, Ass Cab

Gallen stands on deck
Pretending to practice swings
The hair on this man

Top of the 3rd – Diamondbacks 4, Mets 0

Glasses are filthy
What’s the point of these great seats
Without clear lenses?

Top of the 4th – D-Backs 4, Metropolitans 1

Robert Gsellman
Professional hitter man
Doesn’t have to swing

Bottom of the 5th – Snakes 4, Ets 1

That slow pace of play
It’s been over two hours
So many foul balls

Got close to the face
Didn’t look confortoble
That was a cheap pun

Jacob Fucking Barnes
Warms up to horror music
Stabs them with his strikes

Bottom of the 7th – Scottsdale 4, Flushing 2

“His name is Caleb
You can hit one off of him”
And then Lindor did

Top of the 9th – Sneks 4, Metz 4

Sugar’s out early
Trying to keep the game tied
Let’s get him a win

Bottom of the 10th – Cardinals 4, Jets 4

Patrick Mazeika
They’ve got nowhere to put ya
Just try not to swing

Don’t listen to me
Clearly a bunt was enough
To be the hero

Final – Diamondbacks 4, Mets 5

Rat in the tunnel
Or maybe it’s a raccoon
Let’s fight about it

– TeeCoZee