Day 230: 327 Words About Pineapple

Well, it’s Thursday. Time for another “Untitled Thing Where I Ask A Person To Pick A Number Between 200 and 500 And Name A Random Object That’s Not In Front Of Them”. Wow, what a catchy title. Nobody’s every going to forget that! Anyhoo, this weeks contribution comes from Kerry, who told me to write 327 words about pineapples. A highly controversial fruit. Why? I’ll try my best to tell you in the next 327 words:

I’ve always been a creature of habit. I think we all are. But just because they help maintain my equilibrium, not all habits are great. When I decided to quit smoking oh so many years ago, my whole routine got scrambled. I didn’t wake up the same, couldn’t go to bed the same and when it came to taking breaks at work, I was completely and hopelessly lost.

I tried just sitting outside and doing nothing for 5 minutes. That just made me want to smoke more. I would take a walk around the block and it would have the same effect. I tried ducking in the office to play video games for a hot minute, but that raised too many eyebrows. I couldn’t figure out how normal people did it.

Eventually, I figured out a new habit. Every time work stressed me out too much, I’d go downstairs to where the produce people were cutting fruit and have a few pieces of pineapple. It was quick, refreshing and got my mind off of work for a hot second. It was also free. It seems to me that any free habit it a welcome habit, especially when you’re giving up a costly one.

Then one day, my throat got shredded after a pineapple break. It felt like I was coming down with a cold. My voice was fucked up for the rest of the night. A couple of days later, I had a pineapple break again with the same result, only more intense. Being the habitual idiot that I am, I tried it a few more times and my throat started getting really itchy. Like uncomfortably itchy. I wanted to jam my hand down there and scratch it.

So from that day on, I’ve been convinced that I’m allergic to pineapple. You can’t tell me any different. I just find it ironic that I gave up smoking with pineapple and the latter messed my throat up. Just saying.

– TeeCoZee