Day 226: Because It May Be May [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]

Oh snap, it’s May! Cool. Whatever. I played daily fantasy yesterday for the sole purpose of betting a dollar on Dustin May. Because Dustin May was pitching on May Day. He got through 1.2 innings, coughed up a homer and took himself out of the game with elbow pain. So he’s probably out for a year. Welp. May not be a good way to start May, I would say. Anyways, here’s some lists for your first Sunday of May, okay?

5) Top 5 Pet Shop Boys songs

5) It’s A Sin

4) Always On My Mind

3) Opportunities

2) What Have I Done To Deserve This?

1) West End Girls

I don’t care what you say, “West End Girls” is probably one of the greatest pop songs ever recorded. Also, I’ve been really flummoxed about the popularity of “Opportunities”. It started playing on the store radio daily about a year ago and now it’s in a Geico commercial while my music-hating wife sings along. This song never got any play until recently and now it’s embedded in the zeitgeist. Was there something I missed or is this some Mandela effect shit?

4) Top 5 Mendela Effects That I Believe In

5) Sex In The City

4) Oscar Meyer

3) Bernstein Bears

2) That time I recorded a Saints preseason game on Fox, weeks before Fox aired their first NFL game

1) Ed McMahon being the spokesperson for Publishers Clearing House

That’s right. Ed McMahon never worked for Publishers Clearing House. He did commercials for an off-shot spam scheme, American Family Publishers. It sounds so goddamn fake. I don’t understand why anybody would go back in time to change that, but here we are.

3) Top 5 Pencils

5) Golf

4) Those crappy soft ones that we used in elementary school

3) 0.7 mm Mechanical

2) Standard No. 2

1) 0.5 mm Mechanical

This isn’t so much praise for mechanical pencils as it is a knock on golf pencils. Those things are bullshit. I can’t think of a better substitute, but I’m still allowed to hate them.

2) Top 5 Seltzer Flavors

5) Cranberry Lime

4) Blueberry

3) Peach

2) Lime

1) Black Cherry

This isn’t a knock on orange seltzer. I just hardly ever see it and when I do, I don’t recognize it as something I would enjoy. But I probably would, truth be told. Also, lemon seltzer always disappoints me and vanilla seltzer is for psychopaths. Fight me.

1) Top 5 New Pictures In My Camera Roll






There’s just something about Mae Young flipping the double bird while wearing a disposable bib. It’s poetic.

Have a Mae May, everyone!

– TeeCoZee