Day 224: I’d Rather Go To Circuit City [Friday Thoughts W/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. Hello, my name is Mr. Kurns. I believe you have a letter for me. Okay, Mr Kurns, what’s your first name? It’s Kurns, stupid! It’s Friday, April 30th, Twenty Deux Une. The weather in Queens is 66˚ & Pantone 13-4108 and somewhere, somebody is making a sandwich. They also can’t stop dancing. Condiments are at risk of spilling left and right as they can’t stop shaking what their momma gave them. Little do they realize, the positivity that goes into the sandwich making process improves the quality greatly. They’re about to eat an amazing sandwich. And me? I don’t make sandwiches. But I surely hope that the person making my sandwich is dancing. I can use all the good vibes I can get. I also have some things on my mind…

– For those not in the loop, Roku and Google were not able to come to terms, so in effect, YouTubeTV is being taken off the devices. Or the contract wasn’t renewed. Or something. This might not mean much to you, but my household is directly affected by this dispute. We got an email from Roku this morning. It’s apparently all big bad Google’s fault, because they vaguely want to do something with the search function. Roku will go into no details about what it means, but they allege that it’s going to cost me more money? What does searching have to do with money? Also, who the fuck searches for things on a Roku?!? This seemingly has nothing to do with streaming cable television. But in order to look like good guys, they assured us that they weren’t going to delete the app off our devices. So we can technically still use them until Google forces them to wipe them.

I swiftly got a rebuttal email from YouTube. Apparently, their searching policies are totally fair and Roku is the one in the wrong. Once again, they also won’t elaborate on what the dispute is actually about. But in order to look like good guys, they assured us that they weren’t going to delete the app off our devices. So we can technically still use them until Roku wipes them.

I was fortunate enough to not be a child of divorce, but I’m assuming that it feels like this. What exactly is the point of getting the customers riled up when the app isn’t getting deleted anyway? What are they gaining by including us in their petty bickering? This is life in 2021. We’re at the mercy of corporations throwing mud pies at each other while they force us to watch. Just big sloppy mud pies, flying around, grazing our scalps. What a wonderful time to be alive.

– When I left for work today, I got stuck in a torrential downpour, with winds rendering umbrellas impossible. When I emerged from the subway at Canal St, a mere 20 minutes later, it was nothing but blue skies. I can’t tell you how many times this has happened in reverse. It feels a lot different this way. I can’t explain it. Suddenly, the day has an air of optimism to it. I’m alive, breathing and writing in the job. It’s everything I could have wanted out of life.

– Rachel got a second job, because she’s an absolute boss the likes I’ve never seen. It’s also a job she can do it home, so she’s one step closer to the American dream. The only caveat is that she has to do it at home, which means we are now tasked with buying a laptop that can handle live TV broadcasting. Which means…gulp…fuck…we had to go…to Best Buy.

Once upon a time, Best Buy was the happiest place on earth. I would spend hours there looking at DVDs and electronics I couldn’t afford. The modern Best Buy is a lonely husk of what it used to be. Even the lighting is shittier. All the employees looked disturbingly depressed and the customers even more so. We’re not in 2003 anymore. There was seemingly a war that nobody won.

The salesman tried his best to help us out. They had plenty of computers for sale, all completely out of stock. Every laptop that looked halfway decent and affordable was out of stock in all of the tri-state area. So we had to order the laptop. Fine. That’s totally okay. We found the laptop that we wanted to order, told the guy, and…uhh…nope. It’s not even orderable. The only solution he gave us was to buy it on Amazon.

Let that sink in for a moment.

The Best Buy salesman told us to buy it on Amazon.

Circuit City died for this.

Back in the oughts, Best Buy went on a killing spree. They went power hungry and took down every smaller appliance business in its path. Because of this, they are now the only place you can go and shop for computers. But they don’t sell computers. They’re only on display so that you can see that they exist and nothing else. At this point in the story, Best Buy is Tony Montana, sitting with his mountain of cocaine, waiting for his compound to be invaded. Soon, they’ll be dead in the fountain and we’ll be forced to watch 8 minutes of credits. And to be Frank, for what they’ve done to the industry, they deserve it.

Try this trick over the weekend: support your local brick and mortar store. Even if the only tangible object they have in stock is Joker on DVD.

Have a thrifty weekend, everyone!

– TeeCoZee