Day 219: Because There’s 14 Guys Doing Nothing [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]

It’s allegedly the last day of the N train slingshot clusterfuck of doom and here I am once again, stupid enough to believe that it might be better this time. I’m dead wrong. Not only are they giving us a 12 minute gap between the train we were forced to take and the train we actually need, but the whole thing seems completely unnecessary. Just look at this picture.

At that moment, I counted 14 guys standing around, doing absolutely nothing. That’s over a million dollars in annual salary, scratching their asses. And nothing will ever stop them from doing that, because the Union is too strong. This is why we can’t have nice things. Welp. At least it’s the last time. For now. In the meantime, here’s some lists:

5) Top 5 heckles that a guy made about Andrew Stevenson’s name:

5) More like And Poo Stevenson

4) More like Catmandoo Stevenson

3) More like Vince McMahon…drew Stevenson

2) More like Waterloo Stevenson

1) More like…Saturn Vue Stevenson

This guy spent the entire duration of the game making up stupid names for Nationals Right Fielder, Andrew Stevenson. While most of them were annoying, I openly cackled when he came up with Saturn Vue. Also, I think it might’ve gotten to him. He dropped from batting lead-off Friday night to the 8th hole on Saturday. Great job, annoying heckler guy!

4) Top 5 Fruit Soda Flavors

5) Strawberry

4) Grape

3) Orange

2) Lemon-Lime

1) Grapefruit

Notice that I omitted Black Cherry and regular Lemon. That’s because I like watching the world burn. Go ahead and send me all the hate mail. Also, fuck pomegranate soda. That’s just a poor man’s cranberry-lime. Blackberry comes in at a close 6th place tho.

3) Top 5 finger combinations to point at things with

5) Middle finger

4) Index and pinkie

3) Thumb backwards

2) Index finger

1) Index and middle finger

There’s just something so empowering about pointing at things with a half finger gun. It makes you feel like you really know what you’re talking about. It’s how you point with confidence and vigor. “Oh, you’re looking for that thing? [points with index and middle finger as a half finger gun] Well, it’s right there, buddy! You’re welcome!”

2) Top 5 shows that I sat in on this week but left the room/zoned out playing MLB The Show during it anyway

5) Summer House

4) Law & Order SVU

3) 90 Day Fiancé

2) The Circle

1) Rupaul’s Drag Race

I was actually kind of bummed that I had to write during the Drag Race finale. I was actually somewhat invested-ish. But for the other shows, it features the peak of human garbage existence and I finally get the appeal. It’s like watching buildings explode. There’s something about watching a drunk white girl cry that you can’t look away from. I totally get it. Life sucks. That’s why we watch people beat each other up physically in wrestling rings and mentally on reality shows. It makes us feel better about our boring lives. Also, who doesn’t love some hammy melodrama? Soap Operas are dead. Reality shows have taken the throne.

1) Top 5 New Pictures In My Camera Roll






Sorry, not sorry. I’ve never seen my Dad in a hat before [or if I did, I blocked it out of my memory] and honestly, he looks like a fucking boss. Just look at him. He’s the epitome of retirement. You wish you were as relaxed as him. We all can’t wait to be like him. He is the goal. This is my new vision board. Actually, I forgive all the lazy MTA workers. They just want to be more like my Dad. I can get behind that. This train reeks of Axe Body Spray. I can’t get behind that. I’m gonna go choke now.

Have a chill week, everyone!

– TeeCoZee