Day 198: Because I Forgot To Bring My Sunglasses [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]

Well, I made it. I finally went to a ballgame after a grueling hiatus. How long has it been? Rachel and I still haven’t been to a game together as a married couple. That’s how long it’s been. And because of her inability to go to the Bronx, which I do not blame her for one bit, we will have to wait even longer. I was going to write these lists while waiting for the game to start, but the afternoon sun was shining directly on me, burning my retinas every time I dared to look at my phone. I really should have brought my sunglasses. I really should have brought a lot of things. So now here I am, sunsoaked, dazed and struggling to come up with any words to write. Thank god it’s list day…

5) Top 5 Things I Should Have Brought To The Ballgame

5) More pencil lead
4) A full stomach
3) Sunglasses
2) Snacks
1) Knees that already had sunblock applied

It was a dramatic situation knowing that I was on my last stick of pencil lead. I couldn’t make any mistakes or sudden movements. Luckily, the game went by like a breeze [2:41?!? Thanks, commish!!], so there wasn’t much lead to be used. But besides that, I now have sunburnt knees and a stomach filled with $20 chicken. Neither of which feel great. I have a lot of regrets. I regret nothing.

4) Top 5 Songs On Ween’s “Pure Guava” Album

5) The Stallion Pt. 3
4) Push Th’ Little Daisies
3) Pumpin’ 4 The Man
2) Big Jilm
1) I Play It Off Legit

I revisited the album on the way to the stadium and holy hell I forgot how great it is. It’s always been one of Ween’s more polarizing albums for me. While it features classics like “Reggaejunkiejew”, “Touch My Tooter” and “Poop Ship Destroyer”, some songs like “Morning Glory” are completely unlistenable. I feel like it features the highest highs and the lowest lows, all in one neat package. I guess that’s what happens when you give a couple of kids a record contract and let them go on a mushroom binge in a cabin.

3) Top 5 Favorite Moments From The Ballgame

5) Not knowing that a home run happened because the crowd was so silent
4) Seeing the Yankees lose in general
3) They played “Return of the Mack”
2) Marcus Semien robbing Aaron Judge of a laser
1) Vlad Jr going Yard AF

It was incredibly satisfying considering that he mashed it off of a scumbag piece of shit wife beater. Domingo German only lasted 3 innings, which is good, because my friend was becoming uncomfortable with my heckling. Don’t want to get heckled by some guy that you can’t hear? Don’t hit women. It’s not hard.

2) Top 5 Things To Do On Easter

5) See family
4) Wear pastels
3) Eat ham
2) Go to a baseball game
1) Easter Egg Hunts

I really miss Easter Egg Hunts. The second I became old enough to be good at them, I was suddenly too old to go on them. Easter Egg Hunts are the only game that you’re supposed to suck at. As soon as you find a majority of the eggs, you’ll never play again. Which is bullshit. There should be Easter Eggs Hunts for adults. Even if they make it a 6 drink minimum, I’m into it. Just give me some eggs to hunt, damnit!

1) Top 5 New Pictures In My Camera Roll

5)

4)

3)

2)

1)

Obviously, number 1 was going to be a baseball field. You already knew that was the case. You didn’t even have to read it. But you did. Sucker.

Have a predictable week, everyone!

– TeeCoZee