Day 191: Because It’s Almost Baseball [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]
Hoo boy, it’s-a-coming! Can you feel it? You can, can’t you. Your March Madness bracket is already busted. The president isn’t outwardly acting like an idiot. All the new movies are going straight to HBO Max. There’s literally nothing in this world to distract you from The Baseball™. Don’t resist. The Baseball™ loves you. Or at the very least, it wants you to love it, local blackouts be damned. Get a VPN. Move to a different state. Be somebody. Watch your goddamn baseball. You deserve it. I, for one, can barely contain my excitement. I’m rabid. I’m frothing at the mouth. But it’s also dry. It’s all very confusing. How excited am I? Here’s some lists to show it.
5) Top 5 Games That I Already Bought Tickets To
5) Blue Jays at Yankees – April 4
4) Orioles at Yankees – April 7
3) Diamondbacks at Mets – May 3
2) Braves at Mets – May 28
1) Phillies at Mets – April 14
And I guaran-fucking-tee that none of those tickets will hold up. They’re all gonna be voided to reduce capacity. I’m just waiting. My stomach drops every time I get a Stubhub notification. But it’s never about a cancellation, they’re moreso confused as to why I’m suddenly such a great customer. At this point, I’m just buying tickets willy-nilly to see what happens. If I get to go to a game, cool. If not, 125% credit. Either way, I’m a genius. That is, until I actually do end up at a Yankees game, in the thick of the shit, getting all kinds of flack for my Chris Davis jersey. I will not be a genius then.
4) Top 5 Teams That I’m Gonna Mark Out Hard For This Season [That Aren’t The Dodgers or Mets]
5) White Sox
2) Blue Jays
They’re young. They’re scrappy. ThEy HaVe NoThInG tO lOsE! Seeing small market teams succeed is generally good for baseball. That is, until they get ousted for being cheating scumbag pieces of shit that defend their spouse-beating players and also cheat. The Astros cheated. It was bad for America.
3) Top 5 Things That I Missed About Going To Ballgames
5) The smell of grass
4) The nice silence and serenity of showing up when the gates open
3) Feeling like you’re actually part of something
2) Goya Nachos
1) Keeping score
Holy crap do I miss keeping score. I thought about doing it at home last year, but I never got around to it. I miss being in the zone and focusing on every nuance of the game, much to the chagrin of my wife and other people that were dumb enough to go to a game with me. Which reminds me, I need to buy a new binder. Fuck yes! I get to buy a new binder! It’s happening! Maybe!
2) Top 5 Baseball Drinking Game Rules That Will Kill You This Season
5) Whenever they show a fan breaking social distance protocol to retrieve a ball
4) Whenever the broadcasters complain about the lack of universal DH
3) Whenever they do an overhead shot of the quarter-full stadium and make a joke about it being a “sell-out crowd”
2) Whenever the broadcaster basks in how good it feels to have fans back
1) Whenever a fan is shown maskless
Hopefully they get all of the gimmicks out of their system by May. I also hope that I won’t see any maskless fans, but who am I kidding, this is America, amirite?!?
1) Top 5 New Photos In My Camera Roll
Obviously, number one had to be baseball related. BECAUSE BASEBALL BABEHHHHHH!!!!!!111ONEONEONEBASEBALL!!!!!!11
Have a baseball week, everyone!