Day 176: Some Things Just Don’t Last
The wind doesn’t slap like it used to.
It feels a lot more bitter,
And yet, more forgiving,
All at the same time.
Some things feel harder.
Like whenever I want to hide from myself.
Or convince myself that I’m somebody else.
There’s nothing there to help.
I know that I’m unique.
And that we’re all individuals.
But now I’m lacking that special something.
That points me out in a crowd.
But it was all just a smokescreen.
It was a coping mechanism.
If I needed it to feel better when I looked in the mirror,
Then obviously, changes need to be made.
So what’s done is done.
And even though I feel at a loss,
I know that it’s for the better.
And now I can grow inside instead of out.
I can hang my head low.
Whenever I’m writing or cooking
Or emptying the litter box.
Nothing gets in my way.
I’m wasting much less time.
Trying to dry off after a shower.
Just a few rustles of a towel
And I’m good to go.
I can put my mask on
And take it out with ease.
There’s nothing there to get tangled,
Just my ears and the rest of the universe.
I don’t look like an asshole.
With a ratty mop on his head,
That’s balding at the top
And has a hairline receding for a mile.
I can see the shape of my head
And all of its curves, dips and turns.
I now see that it has character.
It’s a decently shaped skull.
I’m no longer stagnating.
I’m not living in the past.
There’s no safety net of nostalgia
Or at least in an tangible sense.
My wife thinks I look great.
Her opinion matters the most.
Because it’s really hard to go on
When she thinks you’re a disgusting dude with a mullet and other emotional issues that she totally accepts but it really gets in the way of enjoying day to day life, you know?
So I said goodbye to it all.
I didn’t bother to look back.
I just paid my exorbitant fee
And tipped a 20 on top.
Now that my hair’s short,
I know what adjustments I need to make.
Things are all looking up.
Because now I know that I can change.
Also, I just generally look kind of damn good.