Day 163: Because February Was As Short As It Deserved To Be [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]

Go to hell, February. You’re a stupid month and nobody likes you. There’s a reason why you’re so short and it’s seemingly given you a Napoleon Complex. You think that because of your small stature that you have to puff your chest and be a tough guy. We’re not impressed, February. I don’t care how many holidays you have. You can’t come to my birthday party. It’s not me, it’s you. I just don’t want you to be a bummer. It’s a celebration of life, not a celebration of presidents and failed relationships. Nobody wants that. Get the hell out of here.

And while we’re at it, welcome home, March. Glad to see you again. I wrote some lists for you.

5) Top 5 Things That I’m Looking Forward To In March

5) Spring Training Baseball

4) Warmer Weather

3) Grapefruit League Baseball

2) My birthday

1) Cactus League Baseball

What can I say? Baseball is back and you can roll your eyes all you want, I’m shaking with excitement! I don’t care if the points don’t count. It’s…baseball! And it’s happening right now!

4) Top 5 Things That Annoy Me About Warm Weather

5) Sweat

4) Bugs

3) Tourists

2) The urge to smoke cigarettes

1) Not being able to do any enjoyable outdoor activity without there being a huge crowd

There’s a reason why I quit smoking at the beginning of a Winter. I needed to be sure that as soon as the flowers started blooming, all of that crap was out of my system. That was a fatal mistake I made twice before. But it never gets any easier. After 5 years, the first warm day is still the hardest.

3) Top 5 Things That I Dread About My Birthday

5) Having to make every single decision because it’s “my day”

4) Realizing how terrible of a job I’ve done keeping in touch with the people I care about as they send me their yearly well wishes

3) Feeling like a spoiled teenaged girl for being excited about such an arbitrary day

2) Turning 34

1) The malaise and existential dread that always crashes me and causes a meltdown every birthday season

Nothing screams “begging for attention and a good present” like a grown ass man having a depressive attack right before his birthday. But it happens almost every year and I try my best to keep it to myself.

2) Top 5 Things That Suck About Spring Training

5) 7 inning games

4) Half of the games aren’t on TV

3) Watching people in the stands be bored, wishing you could replace their ungrateful asses

2) All of the games are early

1) The one guy that seems to be very awesome is not going to crack the roster

Every year, I think it’s the year for DJ Peters. But then he disappears every March and nobody mentions him again. But he keeps coming back. There’s just…no room for him. And yet, I don’t want any other team to have him. He’s basically my favorite jobber.

1) Top 5 New Pictures On My Camera Roll

5)

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3)

2)

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Autocorrect needs to lay the fuck off. I get it. My thumbs are fatter. I definitely didn’t mean, “when I get hone”. Obviously, I meant to say “home”. Stop changing it to “gone”. USE SOME DUCKING CONTEXT!

Have a Herat week, everyone!

– TeeCoZee