Day 157: Swerving For The Sake Of Swerve [WWE Elimination Chamber Roundup]
It’s no surprise that last night’s Elimination Chamber PPV was the first one in which I noticed distinct advertising for Draft Kings. It seems a little suspect that a Sports Entertainment company would endorse its fans to gamble on the outcomes. Seemed like easy money, as all of the matches were painfully predictable.
But then suddenly, they weren’t.
And they only did it for the sake of being unpredictable.
Match 1: Elimination Chamber Match For Number 1 Contender Spot For WWE Universal Championship, The Position At The Head Of The Table and an Applebee’s Gift Card: Barry Horowitz def Bastion Booger, Brooklyn Brawler, The Goon, Beaver Cleavage and Kenny Omega
Oh what, were you actually expecting me to do a full roundup? SWERVE! You should never expect anything out of me. I DO WHAT I WANT!
Rating: 4.25 Kevin Owens Deserved Better out of 5
Instead of going with the forgone conclusion that Kevin Owens would win the chamber and have a match with Roman at the end of the night to squash the beef, they decided to go in a different direction for absolutely no reason. KO was eliminated early and then Daniel Bryan won, only for Roman to come right out and squash him.
WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT?!?
Same thing happened when Riddle pinned John Morrison for the US Title. Not only was it a pointless swerve, but it didn’t even branch off the way it should’ve. We all assumed that he would get some extreme heat from Bobby Lashley and that would culminate at Wrestlemania. Nope. They threw that whole storyline in the trash when they had him attack Drew McIntyre, seemingly in cahoots with The Miz. Now Riddle is just the US champion and we all have to accept it, while Bobby turns his attention elsewhere.
And let’s talk about The Miz. He cashes in his Money In The Bank to steal the title at the end of the abridged show. Wow, what a fuckin swerve! But what does it even mean? Is Miz vs Drew seriously going to be the Wrestlemania main event? Because that sounds fucking awful. They swerved for the sake of swerving. Raw is suffering in ratings, so this is a cheap ploy to boost it. But they’re overlooking the fact that the brand is deeply flawed. It’s overrun with heels and midcarders that only get one match a month. Making The Miz champion is not going to put butts in the digital seats.
Instead, the WWE has a big mess on their hands. Wrestlemania always needs to have a happy ending. We already know that Edge will not beat Roman, so the happy ending needs to come from Raw. But there’s a good chance that they’re not going to be able to come up with a main event that fans will even care about. This is a clusterfuck of Wrestlemania 13 proportions and I really hope they don’t expect us to be entertained while they struggle to put the pieces together.
Other Swerves That Happened:
– Randy Orton was cleanly taken out of the Elimination Chamber. There was no tomfoolery whatsoever from the Firefly Fun House. Way to build up on stuff and then not even mention it on a goddamned PPV!
– Sasha & Bianca failed to take the women’s tag titles from the cannibal and the hole. This is despite the fact that the titles will be defended on NXT next week, against other heels. If they’re going to do stuff to directly compete with Shaq fighting on Dynamite, wouldn’t it make sense to have the two biggest stars visiting NXT to defend the titles? No? Welp, that’s why I don’t get paid the big bucks. Good swerve, guys. Real cool. Let’s see how that works out.
– The Smackdown Elimination Chamber match was epic and fun, but swerve, it was all negated by an immediate squash. Seriously, what was the point of Daniel Bryan winning, anyway?
What was the point of any of this?
What’s the point of wrestling?
What’s the point of life?
Event Rating: 6 swerves out of 9 lol