Day 156: Because I Still Feel Like A Person [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]

I woke up this morning thinking to myself, “That’s it? That’s all you got?”. I was expecting extreme malaise, droll running down my chin, not knowing who I was or how my shirt got backwards. Instead, I feel nothing but the malaise and fatigue that goes with being an overweight 33 year old. My arm doesn’t even hurt that much anymore. If that’s all that the vaccine is planning on doing to me, I’m a little worried that it didn’t take. I could also be jinxing myself and it could hit me like a ton of bricks any second now. So before I suddenly turn into a feverish maniac, let’s do some lists!

5) Top 5 Breakfast Sando Meats

5) Sausage
4) Bacon
3) Pastrami
2) Steak
1) Taylor Ham/Pork Roll/Canadian Bacon/Regular Ass Ham

I’m going to take a lot of flack for the bacon ranking. Trust me, I want it to be higher on the list. In theory, bacon on a breakfast sando is perfect. In practice, it always disappoints. It’s almost always too dry, sparse and ends up crumbling onto the wrapper. I prefer to have my sando meats intact, thank you very much.

4) Top 5 Predictions For Elimination Chamber

5) The words, “unforgiving steel”, will be uttered over 5 times
4) Kevin Owens will win the chamber, only to lose to Roman to nobody’s surprise
3) Bad Bunny is losing the 24/7 title on the pre-show
2) Rachel will get most of her predictions right
1) I’m going to roll my eyes 4 times

It’s really easy to predict PPVs on the Road To Wrestlemania, as everything is telegraphed from miles away.

3) Top 5 Whiskeys

5) Irish
4) Scotch
3) American Rotgut
2) Canadian
1) Bourbon

And it’s not even close. Although I do find it troubling that I almost always spell Bourbon wrong. I always want to spell it, “Burboun”. You’d think that after a decade of it being my booze of choice, I would be able to spell it right. But alas, I can’t. I only spelled it without autocorrect this time because there’s a bottle in front of me. Also, autocorrect is not a word and autocorrect is aware of it.

2) Top 5 Donuts

5) Long John
4) Apple Cider
3) Glazed Jelly
2) Apple Fritter
1) Chocolate Frosted w/ Sprinkles

I’ve tried all kinds of donuts from all over the world. And for some reason, I always go back to my childhood favorite. There’s just nothing more satisfying than biting into a fresh chocolate frosted donut and feeling the sprinkles split and melt onto your teeth.

1) Top 5 New Pictures In My Camera Roll






After months of praising Simpsons Wrestling Shitposts, I finally made one myself. Nobody cared. But that’s not going to stop me from doing it again, damnit!

Have a determined week, everyone!

– TeeCoZee