Day 147: I’d Rather Not Be Haunted By My Old Apartment [Friday Thought W/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. Give me your fortune or I’ll blow this wino’s head off! Ooh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list. It’s Friday, February 12th, Twenty Blackjack. The weather in Astoria is 29˚ & Pantone 17-5104 and somewhere, somebody is half asleep. They are fighting so hard to stay awake, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult. Their thoughts will be clear one second and nonsensical the next. They should probably run to the bank before work tomorrow, but if there’s a clown trying to make a deposit, they might have to switch banks entirely. They can’t wait until vacation or else the sandwich will eat them. That kind of stuff. Little do they realize, there is absolutely no reason for them to be awake, as they’re in Tokyo and it’s 5 AM. And me? I’m more of an optimist when it comes to determining my alertness. I consider myself half awake most of the time. I also have a thing on my mind.

– We finally turned in the keys to the old apartment yesterday. Moving out was a long process that involved a lot of procrastination and dread. Once we got settled into the new place, we were ready to never look back. But because we’re horrible slobs that bought ourselves too much time and acquired too much junk, we had to look back a few times. Each trip back was an exercise in futility. Sit in traffic forever, fail to find a parking spot, get into the apartment, feel overwhelmed, realize how badly out of shape you are, wait forever for the elevator to clear, struggle to double park nearby without people yelling at you, trying not to drop stuff in the snow, crying, sweating, just generally having a bad time. And then we’d come back to our nice and clean apartment, while miles south, a filthy and gloomy cave still called our name. I constantly had dreams about going back and having even more stuff to clean and sort through. Some aspects of moving are just plain uncomfortable. You’re literally shedding the skin of the former you and leaving it inside a vacant domicile. It’s just a weird process to go through.

The bug problem in our old apartment was already chronicled a while back, but it got much worse over time. After a while, we couldn’t keep any food in the cabinets and some dark areas were just straight up abandoned. [Cleaning up the wreckage yesterday, I scraped a disgusting amount of bug turds off the walls. Hundreds of corpses were swept up. Even a few starving survivors met their squishy demise.] The place was a war zone for years and it really showed. Moving to a new apartment, we were both excited about the prospect of being able to cook again. But we knew we had to be extra careful when packing our belongings. Every book, DVD and VHS was thoroughly dusted and shook off for bodies. Every object was carefully inspected and every moving box was clear when we emptied it. We were sure that we were free and everything was done right. Most of the furniture was left behind and the stuff that we kept was given a thorough look-over. That is, everything except the couch. There was no way to thoroughly check the couch. But we also never saw any bugs near there, so it must’ve been safe.

It took over two weeks for the first one to appear.

I looked at it in horror as it cowered near Willy’s water fountain. I killed it and tried to keep my hopes up that it was the only survivor. The next night, I caught one trying to crawl into the kitchen. The next night was the bathtub. We don’t know how, we don’t know when, but they followed us. And now I have to live my life in fear, constantly looking in dark corners for movement and having incessant nightmare about more and more bugs showing up. It’s entirely possible that there was a select few that came over in the couch. We have no reason to believe that they’re reproducing. There’s been no signs of babies or eggs. We just to hope that we’re controlling the situation before it gets out of control.

And that’s all we can really do is hope. There’s not much we can do to them with Willy hanging around. There’s no way we can risk him getting sick and every time we lay a glue tap, he immediately gets stuck to it. We just have to keep our eyes on the floor and our thoughts positive. We may be done with A50, but A50 is clearly not done with us.

– Try this trick over the weekend: be grateful that you have no roaches in your apartment. Or if you do have roaches, be grateful that there’s no mice. If you have both, move.

Have a clean weekend, everyone!

– TeeCoZee