Day 146: Top 5 Subjects You Don’t Want To Hear About Today

It was a busy goddamn day. I’m allowed to have those, or at least that’s what my psychiatrist would tell me if he was actually interested in my well-being and not the dollar signs over my head. And it’s still a busy goddamn day. I’m writing this while doing laundry. Then I’m going to go get the car washed and get groceries because it’s a 24 hour city and I’m a 24 hour Coze. In the middle of that busy goddamn day, probably after I flipped off a mini van that was double parked, Rachel asked what I was going to write today. Luckily, I already had a topic laid out and she immediately groaned upon hearing it.

That’s when I realized that I became out of touch with my audience. I don’t even know who my audience is. Mom? Aunt Rose? Matt Floyd? The government? I don’t know who you 8-10 daily hits are and I don’t know what you like. For the last 145 days, I’ve pigeon-holed myself way too often and only wrote about what I know. Maybe I should write about what I don’t know. It’d be messy and inaccurate, but it might be cool! Or maybe I’m just looking too hard into it. Either way, instead of trying to better myself, I decided that it would be easier to just list off the shit that you definitely don’t want to hear about. Which is, in turn, making you hear about it. So instead of having to read about 1 obnoxious topic, you now have to read about 5. But at least they’re shorter? Maybe? No matter what, I have now completely alienated my reader base. Oh well.

5) My opinion on how the impeachment trial is going to go
Obviously, he’s going to be acquitted. There are too many spineless fucks in his pocket. However, this is the last thing he can control. After that, we can forget that the last 4 years ever happened. And trust me, you want to do that. We already learned from our mistakes, we don’t need to revisit them ad nauseum. When he was running for president initially, nobody listened when I said to just ignore him. At that point, the only power he wielded was our attention. And he fed off of that attention. The attention helped him win and then once in office, he kept doing stupid things, because without our attention, he just fades away. The more that we still talk about him and his followers, the more powerful they become. If we just ignore them, they can’t do shit. Literally. They can’t win an election and they can’t ruin our lives. What are they going to do? Start a riot because we’re being stuck up? Turn the other way! Chester Cheetah is a child. If people stop talking about him, he’ll get bored and try to do something else.

4) A sandwich that I ate or am about to eat
It was a Philly Cheesesteak with tater tots on top. Affordable and delicious!

3) Something about trains
What can I say? When I look for inspiration, I look out the window. What’s out the window? Trains. Nothing but trains. So, duh.

2) My disastrous trip to Wal-Mart
Pro tip: If there’s no carts in the entranceway, all of the parking lot corrals are also empty and the lot is littered with people following others to their car so they could get a cart, run. Run very far away. There’s nothing for you inside that store. Jesus christ, just run.

1)The fact that I spent 10 hours yesterday watching wrestling
When I first started watching wrestling again, it was strictly a Friday affair. And then I started watching on Mondays. And then I realized that the best WWE show was on Wednesdays. And then I realized that AEW was better than NXT, so I watched two shows on Wednesday. And then I realized that Japanese Wrestling is really where it’s at. And then they had a 2 night event in the middle of the week. So I had to watch night one yesterday morning, go to work, watch NXT, watch AEW and then watch Night two live at 1 AM. 3+2+2+3=10QUICKMATHS. The problem is, not only do you not want to hear about it, but I got so burned out that I really have nothing to say. Johnny Gargano is an avid power walker and Jon Moxley thinks that potatoes are neat. That’s it. That’s all I learned in 10 hours. If the stars ever align like that again, I’m just going to spread it out. That was just plain foolish.

Join me next time when I talk about the logistics of onion transport!