Day 140: I’d Rather Mess With My Commute [Friday Thought w/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. Give me 42 Krusty Burgers! Today, you can buy 50 for $100. I said 42! It’s Friday, February 5th, Not Legal, Legal. The weather in Astoria is 45˚ & Pantone 94ABD6 and somewhere, somebody is trying to find the right temperature on their central air. They have both the living room and bedroom set at 71, but the bedroom has become much hotter. This is because it’s a smaller space and the sun is shining directly into it. So they set the bedroom to 68, but it ends up being too cold. Also, it runs too much in the living room, with the noise getting in the way of the TV watching. So they set the living room to 70 to see if it affects the fan speed. It does not. Meanwhile, the bedroom is too cold. Little do they know, they’re better off setting it to automatic. And me? I have both rooms set to 69. Nice. I also have a thing on my mind.

– For the past 11 years, I have fantasized about different ways to utilize the subway. I would choose a destination in my head and then find the most complicated way to get there. Jackson Heights to Times Square? Sure. Just take the Manhattan-Bound 7 to Court Square, transfer to a Church Ave-Bound G, take that to Metropolitan Ave, transfer to the L at Lorimer, take that Canarsie-Bound to Broadway Junction, Take a Lefferts Blvd-Bound A Train, get off at Rockaway Ave, wait for a Far Rockaway-Bound A Train, Take that to Howard Beach, swipe into the JFK Airtrain, take it to Jamaica Center, transfer to a Broad St-Bound J train, transfer at Fulton St to an uptown 5 train, get off at Union Square and transfer to a Brooklyn Bridge-Bound 6 train, stay on the train after the last stop and enjoy the abandoned City Hall loop, take the same train back uptown to Grand Central, transfer to the Times Square Shuttle and BAM! You’re at Times Square. Easy. I do this often when I’m trying to go to sleep. The NYC Subway is a vast and expansive network of tunnels and we are not taking full advantage of our metrocard swipes. No matter which route you think is best, there’s always one that has a lot more sitting and creative problem-solving.

I always thought these up in my head because I was jealous of people that had options. My first 2 apartments were serviced by 1 line, unless I wanted to walk a mile [I didn’t]. There was so much of the subway to see and yet I was a prisoner to my quick 1 seat ride to work every day. I would go out of my way, to different neighborhoods for no reason, just to experience all of the subway lines. Then I would gauge more difficult ways to get home from there. I would dream of the day that I attempted to ride through every subway stop with one metrocard swipe. Given that there’s no construction all day, it was always feasible. I had hand drawn a couple of routes over the years. But I never did it, mainly because I wanted to keep the dream alive.

Those days are long past me. After dealing with delays, sudden cancellations and a whole plethora of budget cuts, the MTA had worn me down. The subway wasn’t the magical urban carriage that it used to be. These days, I think of complicated directions just to annoy people. But then something happened the other day. I was sitting on my new one-seat ride to work and the train pulled into Queensboro Plaza. As it sat there with the doors open, there was a 7 train on the other side of the platform. Calling me. Inviting me with open arms. I would only need to walk 10 feet and step into a whole new world. It said to me, “Come on, Coze. You could take me to Court Square, transfer to a G and take it to Hoyt-Schemerhorn, where you can get a 207 Street-Bound A train to get you to work.” As tempting as it sounded, I stayed put. I was already running late for work. But it’s still good to know that the dream is still alive.

– Try this trick over the weekend: Get from Manhattan to the Bronx with class. Take a Far Rockaway-Bound A Train to Howard Beach, take the air train to JFK Airport, get a ticket to Philadelphia, fly first class there, then buy a ticket to LaGuardia, fly coach there [just so you can see the difference], take the Q70 Bus to Broadway-74th and take a Manhattan-bound 7 train to Grand Central, where you can transfer to the 4 and get to the Bronx and immediately turn back around because fuck The Bronx.

Have a commutey weekend, everyone!

– TeeCoZee