Day 135: Because My Bagel Bite Stock Doesn’t Seem To Be Rising [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]
Anybody else hit the big bucks this week? Yeah, me neither. Despite popular belief, buying stocks is still not as easy as buying anything else online. There’s a whole vetting and application process that goes into these “simple” prosumer stock trading apps. All of the Redditors that stormed the gates and skyrocketed Gamestop already had a plan in place. It wasn’t a bandwagon that you could just jump on and I learned that the hard way. The FOMO got to be too much and I signed up for Robin Hood. But now the ship has sailed and my application is still in limbo. And now apparently everybody hates Robin Hood, so I guess I’m now part of the problem without even trying to be. How typical of me. If my app actually gets approved, I’ll probably invest 5 bucks into Bagel Bites and call it a day.
But for now, lists…
5) Top 5 Posts of the Month
An honorable mention would be, “I’d Rather Give The Laundromat Parking Lot a Proper Goodbye”. This says a lot, because I was previously bemoaning how awful the Friday Thoughts had become in its new single-thought format. It shows that I really should just go back to something resembling the old formula, even if it takes me more time. I feel like I’ve been treating Fridays as a cheat day and the results show. Hopefully it can keep trending in the right direction.
4) Top 5 Fails of the Week
5) Singing up for Robin Hood and realizing that it was totally evil and cancelled before my application was even accepted
4) Trying to take 2 generic Nyquils at the same time, resulting in choking
3) Telling the movers that I had only 5 stairs when there was clearly 8
2) Waiting longer for an N train even though it wasn’t running express
1) Cutting a bagel
In all seriousness, my bagel cutting would be worthy of a death penalty in 3 countries. It just didn’t work out today. I couldn’t get the knife to pierce the glossy bagel skin. I gave up, smooshed it with the knife and then tore it apart like a goddamn animal. This was the end result.
And you know what? It still tasted like a bagel. Take that, Bosnian parliament!
3) Top 5 Meals of the Week
5) Disco Fries [Sunset Diner]
4) Soup dumplings with Dan Dan Noodles [Bund on Broadway]
3) Everything’s Gravy Sandwich [George’s Deli]
2) Gouda-Stuffed Duck Burger [Sanford’s]
1) Chicken Shawarma Pita [King of Falafel & Shawarma]
Of course number 1 is the one I wrote a full piece about. When really, the duck burger was probably the best meal, pound for pound. But then you would all expect me to write about a duck burger, which I really don’t feel like doing. So the list stays as it is. Deal with it.
2) Top 5 Prop Bets That I Want To Make For The Royal Rumble
5) The winner will enter between #1-10 [2:1]
4) “Every man for himself” will be uttered over 26 times [9:1]
3) 24/7 title changes hands/is defended during the rumble [20:1]
2) Omos Saves AJ Styles from elimination [3:1]
1) CM Punk returns and immediately eliminates RVD [420:69]
To be fair, 3 of those choices were written by the never-defending champion of pro wrestling podcasts, Mike Mueller [and you can totally tell which ones]. But they’re still bets that I wanna make, damnit! I wasn’t much of a gambler before the pandemic and I probably won’t be one after, but I am just plain itching for some action. If anybody knows a bad wrestling bookie, send him my way. Or don’t. You probably shouldn’t.
1) Top 5 New Pictures On My Camera Roll
I laid out all of our bobbles and assorted baseball memorabilia on the table before I found proper temporary places for them. It made me feel like an analyst on a sports network. I suddenly felt compelled to talk about a hot stove. Any hot stove would do.
Have a bobbly week, everybody!