Day 135: Because My Bagel Bite Stock Doesn’t Seem To Be Rising [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]
Anybody else hit the big bucks this week? Yeah, me neither. Despite popular belief, buying stocks is still not as easy as buying anything else online. There’s a whole vetting and application process that goes into these “simple” prosumer stock trading apps. All of the Redditors that stormed the gates and skyrocketed Gamestop already had a plan in place. It wasn’t a bandwagon that you could just jump on and I learned that the hard way. The FOMO got to be too much and I signed up for Robin Hood. But now the ship has sailed and my application is still in limbo. And now apparently everybody hates Robin Hood, so I guess I’m now part of the problem without even trying to be. How typical of me. If my app actually gets approved, I’ll probably invest 5 bucks into Bagel Bites and call it a day.
But for now, lists…
5) Top 5 Posts of the Month
5) Pack Up Your Life
4) One Terrible Tip That Your Grocer Doesn’t Want You To Know About!
3) Goodbye, Brooklyn
2) Embrace Today
1) The Story of a Desk
An honorable mention would be, “I’d Rather Give The Laundromat Parking Lot a Proper Goodbye”. This says a lot, because I was previously bemoaning how awful the Friday Thoughts had become in its new single-thought format. It shows that I really should just go back to something resembling the old formula, even if it takes me more time. I feel like I’ve been treating Fridays as a cheat day and the results show. Hopefully it can keep trending in the right direction.
4) Top 5 Fails of the Week
5) Singing up for Robin Hood and realizing that it was totally evil and cancelled before my application was even accepted
4) Trying to take 2 generic Nyquils at the same time, resulting in choking
3) Telling the movers that I had only 5 stairs when there was clearly 8
2) Waiting longer for an N train even though it wasn’t running express
1) Cutting a bagel
In all seriousness, my bagel cutting would be worthy of a death penalty in 3 countries. It just didn’t work out today. I couldn’t get the knife to pierce the glossy bagel skin. I gave up, smooshed it with the knife and then tore it apart like a goddamn animal. This was the end result.
And you know what? It still tasted like a bagel. Take that, Bosnian parliament!
3) Top 5 Meals of the Week
5) Disco Fries [Sunset Diner]
4) Soup dumplings with Dan Dan Noodles [Bund on Broadway]
3) Everything’s Gravy Sandwich [George’s Deli]
2) Gouda-Stuffed Duck Burger [Sanford’s]
1) Chicken Shawarma Pita [King of Falafel & Shawarma]
Of course number 1 is the one I wrote a full piece about. When really, the duck burger was probably the best meal, pound for pound. But then you would all expect me to write about a duck burger, which I really don’t feel like doing. So the list stays as it is. Deal with it.
2) Top 5 Prop Bets That I Want To Make For The Royal Rumble
5) The winner will enter between #1-10 [2:1]
4) “Every man for himself” will be uttered over 26 times [9:1]
3) 24/7 title changes hands/is defended during the rumble [20:1]
2) Omos Saves AJ Styles from elimination [3:1]
1) CM Punk returns and immediately eliminates RVD [420:69]
To be fair, 3 of those choices were written by the never-defending champion of pro wrestling podcasts, Mike Mueller [and you can totally tell which ones]. But they’re still bets that I wanna make, damnit! I wasn’t much of a gambler before the pandemic and I probably won’t be one after, but I am just plain itching for some action. If anybody knows a bad wrestling bookie, send him my way. Or don’t. You probably shouldn’t.
1) Top 5 New Pictures On My Camera Roll
I laid out all of our bobbles and assorted baseball memorabilia on the table before I found proper temporary places for them. It made me feel like an analyst on a sports network. I suddenly felt compelled to talk about a hot stove. Any hot stove would do.
Have a bobbly week, everybody!