Day 105: I’d Rather Skip To 2022 [Friday Thought W/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. Remember that New Years Eve party at Lenny’s? He didn’t even have a computer. It’s Friday, January 1st, Twenty-Twenty-One. The weather in Brooklyn is 40° & Pantone 11-4201 and somewhere, somebody is buying a soda. But it’s not some punk ass diet soda or a confusing low-calorie high-taste fusion. Just a regular soda. The heavy stuff. “New Year, New You”, the person thinks to themselves. No longer will they be held by the shackles of artificial sweeteners. They will never again be deprived of real ingredients. Little do they know, there’s nothing real about the real soda. And me? I thought people switched to diet sodas for the New Year, not vice versa. But what do I know? I just drink whatever I feel like. I also have a thing on my mind.

– In case you haven’t heard, last year is finally over. I’m sure you’ve been hearing people anticipating it for the last 8 months. For as much flack and hatred 2020 got, 2021 got an equal amount of unearned praise and hype. We have no idea what the future holds, but everyone assumes that it will be great, as long as it’s a different year. 2021 has had more buzz than 2000 and 1984 combined and I’m already rolling my eyes about it. There are exactly two ways this year could go:

Something good happens – “You see?!? You see how good a year could be?!? Fuck you, 2020! This is the BEST YEAR EVAAAARRRRRRR”

Something bad happens – “Hey, remember 2020? Good times.”

And these responses will be repeated over and over whenever major news breaks. No matter what happens, everything about 2021 will have exaggerated responses. The year has barely started and it’s already the most overrated year of all time. The Top 5 list now goes as follows:

5) 1492
4) 1776
3) 2008
2) 1969
1) 2021

Congratulations, 2021. You’ve earned nothing. The bar is incredibly low. You could crash the internet for a whole week, mutate a species of Panda and kill Tom Cruise. People would still be singing your praises. As long as you’re not the other guy. Honestly, I’m already sick of the squawking about the New Year. I’d rather skip to 2022. Hopefully by then, years can be just an arbitrary number again.

– Try this trick over the weekend: Live in the now and stop blaming all of your problems on an inanimate number.

Have a realistic weekend, everyone!

– TeeCoZee