Day 093: Because, Christmas. [Top 5 Top 5 Sunday]

You hear that jingle-ding-dinging in the distance? That’s Christmas, ready to pounce on your punk ass. We have officially rounded the corner and are bracing to ram straight into it. And frankly, I’m really damn excited. It’ll be weird as balls not being home for it, but for the first time, I literally don’t have to leave the house. The amount of stress that takes away is insurmountable. I’m suddenly jolly as fuck, knowing that I don’t have any early mornings or weather forecast paranoia in my future. Also, since I’m spending the day with Rachel, it’s the first time I get to spend Christmas at my actual home. Like it or not, we technically started a family. So even though I’m staying in Brooklyn, I’ll still be home for the holidays. And if that doesn’t make you feel fuzzy in your tum-tum, nothing will. So here’s some Christmas lists:

5) Top 5 Christmas Foods

5) Pâté
4) Peanut butter balls
3) Ham
2) Christmas Cookies
1) Chex Mix

But it can’t be any basic ass Chex Mix, or anything with pre-seasoning. It has to be lovingly baked my my mother herself, with extra Worcestershire sauce. I inhale that stuff straight through December. My mom usually sends me two industrial-sized bags of it and it’s hardly ever enough. However, I cannot stand the prepackaged Chex mix that they sell at gas stations. It tastes like a poor man’s Gardettos, which you know is real bad.

4) Top 5 Christmas TV Specials

5) Frosty The Snowman
4) A Charlie Brown Christmas
3) Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer
2) The Simpsons Christmas Special [Yes, the pilot was an off-shoot Christmas Special. Read about it.]
1) A Garfield Christmas

Call it nostalgia, but Garfield has the only Christmas special that I simply must watch every single year. There’s not really anything special about it, but it always hits me in all the right feels. Also, as I’ve grown older, the rocking chair scene makes me cry my eyes out. I really don’t know why. Don’t ask me. I regret mentioning this.

3) Top 5 Worst Christmasses

5) 2012
4) 2011
3) 2013
2) 1998
1) 2010

No feeling could be as lonely and horrible as your first Christmas away from home. I almost spent the whole day alone. The only plus is that I saw a kid in a condo window get kicked in the nuts. And that was shortly after midnight. The day went way downhill from there.

2) Top 5 Christmas Gifts

5) Guitar Hero 2
4) A handmade Dodger Stadium sign
3) Sega Dreamcast
2) Sega Genesis
1) A fiancé

This doesn’t need any justification. Guitar Hero 2 was the peak of music video games. You can shove that Rock Band set all the way up your candyass.

1) Top 5 New Pictures In My Camera Roll






I know, a lot of Twitter screenshots this week. What can I say? The short-form writers of the world were on a roll.

Have a Merry week, everyone!

– TeeCoZee