Day 082: Really? Pears?

I came home from the grocery store to find Rachel watching some random Holiday Cooking Baking Chop Competition Show Thing. I carefully placed my immaculate honeycrisp apples in the fridge and took a seat on the couch. A woman from Champaign, Illinois was perplexed by having to make something out of pears and rosemary. The judge, who very clearly didn’t want to be there based on how tucked his shirt was into his khakis, commented that pears and rosemary were a good combo. With hope, she looked up for reassurance to this statement. In smarmy yet kinder words he said, “No. what the fuck are you talking about? I’ve never heard of that combo in my life. You’re fucked, lady”. As panic swept over her face, I posed an extremely real question to myself:

Does anybody actually love pears?

On paper, pears are one of the most non-offensive specimens in the Fruit Jungle. They’re generally just fine. They seemingly grow all year round and I always see people buy them, but they’re never excited about it. I’ve never ran out of D’Anjou Pears and had customers demanding satisfaction. I never see anybody buy a single pair. Not only would that be linguistically irresponsible, it’s just not something that people grab to eat on the go. So when are people eating pears? I can’t remember any time that I saw someone eating a pear in public. Can it only be done in the comfort of a home, surrounded by candles and abrasive jazz? Are they only being bought for decoration? I mean, they do look damn good in a fruit bowl. Can’t have one without em. That I can agree with. But the amount of pears I’ve sold in my life is extremely disproportionate to the ones I’ve seen consumed. It can’t be used for baking that often. I feel like if it were, a competitive baker from Illinois would know exactly what to do with it.

With this in mind, it would still be irresponsible to consider pears to be underrated. Everybody knows about pears, but nobody has a strong opinion. Which means that they aren’t facing any severe criticisms. It’s kind of unfair, because pears deserve to be knocked down a few notches. They are essentially apples gone wrong. As somebody that eats apples in the dark daily, it’s always a miserable feeling to expect that crispy bite, but instead your teeth sink into soft, tender flesh. In the Fruit Jungle, we consider this a “Bad Apple”. But in other sectors of the community, it’s considered a “Normal Pear”. This is because there’s no such thing as a Good Pear. Admit it, you’ve never once had a pear that changed your life. You’ve also probably never had a bad pear. All pears are of the same quality. As a whole, pears aren’t underrated or overrated, they’re just rated. They do the absolute bare minimum. They exist. And for some reason, that’s enough.

Maybe I’m wrong. Perhaps everyone loves pears, but they all do so in secret. But I feel like most pear sales that occur is because it is simply a safe option. A pear will always be a pear. Apples will rot, oranges will spontaneously give you heartburn, but you’ll always forgive a pear because you never think much of it. For centuries, this fruit has flown under the radar and never raised any eyebrows. And in this day and age, it’s a miraculous achievement. So I guess pears are okay. I’m still gonna stick to my apples, but I’m fine with them existing. For now.

– TeeCoZee