Day 063: I’d Rather Feel Like A Human Again [Friday Thought W/ TeeCoZee]

November 20, 2020 by TeeCoZee

Good Moleman. Why would they come just to boo us? I was saying “Boo-Urns”. It’s Friday, November 20, Two Zero Twenty. The weather in Brooklyn is 68° & Pantone 14-4809 and somewhere, somebody is outside. Wow. That’s great. I bet there’s some air out there. Maybe a car or fifty. There’s probably a dude smoking a cigarette. A bird eating a stale tortilla. An old person sorting through recycling. You know, outside stuff. I know what’s going on out there. I’ve seen it all before. I don’t need to see it every day. Unlike the aforementioned person, I am not outside. I have not been there all day and I don’t plan on going there. I’m having a hard enough time to come up with a thing on my mind.

– I knew that there’d be days like these. Honestly, I thought it would come sooner. With the exception of a few, the last 62 days have gone swimmingly. My mental state has been decent enough to cough up a few hundred words for the world to see. To be totally transparent, the streak ended today. I have yet to really wake up. After only getting a few hours of sleep, I didn’t even want to leave the bed until after 1. I’ve spent the last few hours in a slack-jawed fugue state. I can almost hear the cartoon birds dancing over my head. As much as I want to snap out of this, I simply do not feel like a person.

Before you jump to conclusions, Mom, please know that I’ll be okay. I’m not running a fever, I’m showing no Covid symptoms, I’m just completely and utterly checked out. As a depressed thirtysomething New Yorker with a panic disorder, I’m honestly shocked that this doesn’t happen more often. It’s a true testament to how much the daily writing has been beneficial to my mental health. Your readership is loved and appreciated, I cannot stress this enough. You deserve so much better than this. You need something a little more uplifting to start your weekend. So here’s some random music videos from 1993: