Day 035: I’d Rather Have A Ponytail [Friday Thought W/ TeeCoZee]

Good Moleman. My God, this whole things made of breadsticks! And Apple cores and Chinese newspapers! It’s Friday, October 23, This Year. The weather in Brooklyn is 64° & Pantone 18-3838 and somewhere, somebody is making queso. And by making queso, they mean they’re heating up a jar of it. But do they microwave the whole jar? Or do they serve it in a bowl? They really don’t feel like doing dishes. Hopefully the label doesn’t melt in the microwave. Do labels melt? The jar might shatter. Are jars microwaveable? Maybe it’s just better cold. Yep. Definitely better cold. And me? I just put it in a damn bowl. I’m an adult. I also have a thing on my mind.

My hair is going through a really weird phase. On one end, I’m totally balding. There’s no stopping it. Well, there is stopping it but that would involve me not wearing hats every day, which is just stupid and screw you for even suggesting it. My hairline is getting close to perpendicular to my ears and my crown is getting barer and barer. No matter how much I resist, old man nature is out to get me.

On the other hand, I haven’t gotten a haircut since before the pandemic. So now my hair is longer and more luscious than ever! I’m basically an obese Evil Dale Cooper. Rachel even gave me a half ponytail and she admitted that she actually kind of likes it. That’s right. My wife somehow loves me so much that she could tolerate me in a ponytail. I kind of want to grow it longer just so I can keep flexing that fact. I could be walking down the street and people will wonder what my problem is. And then they’ll see the ring and be like oh damn, that dude’s in a good marriage! And he walks funny!

The lesson to be had is that it’s one thing to get married and live in harmony. But when your spouse is still attracted to you no matter how ridiculous you look, that’s some next level shit. And although she much prefers me to just shave my head and keep it that way, I always assure her that she has the rest of her life to enjoy my blank dome. Once, just once, I get to do something that matters, while I’m still able to. Life is fleeting. Grow a damn ponytail if you can. Live a little!

Try this trick over the weekend: Don’t get a haircut.

Have a hairy weekend, everyone!

– TeeCoZee